Memoirs of Krishna

Commercials Taking It Too Far

2009-03-04T07:20:00.000-08:00

I don't know about the rest of you, but commercials tend to fit into one of the following categories:
1. The ones that make you go "awwww" because of children, puppies, or other general cuteness (those toilet paper commercials with the puppies).
2. The ones that you haven't got a clue what exactly they are advertising.
3. The ones that make you blush due to embarrassment (under-clothes commercials or ones for "male" pills).
4. The ones that make you roll your eyes and change the channel.

Recently I have discovered a commercial that very sincerely fits into category number 4: the commercials that have been put out to PROMOTE CORN SYRUP. Have you seen what I am talking about? The commercials that start off with someone making a derogatory remark about corn syrup and then have another person (usually the ones drinking something with corn syrup or eating a popsicle) explain that it is “made from corn and fine in moderation.”

Does anyone else find these commercials completely ridiculous? Corn syrup has gotten such a bad reputation that they have finally decided to come out with commercials PROMOTING the stuff. Why don’t they just have commercials telling Americans to eat more sugar? Americans already consume the stuff [corn syrup] in mass quantities. IT TASTES GOOD. Corn syrup is a sweetener like sugar- it is yummy. You don’t need to tell people to eat it; they are going to eat it because it is pleasing to the palate. Yes, corn syrup has gotten a bad reputation over the past few years, but that is because of the obesity that has been sweeping the nation due to the mass consumption of calories (and trust me- there are a lot of calories in corn syrup).

We have commercials all over the place promoting things that are not good for Americans. “Hearty” breakfasts at Denny’s (with enough calories to satisfy half of your daily caloric intake), beer (an alcoholic beverage that causes 16,000 fatalities per year), and now CORN SYRUP.

Companies are taking it a little bit overboard to have commercials promoting something like that. Ladies and Gentlemen: I’ve seen enough.

More Than A Memory

2009-03-02T06:56:00.001-08:00

They say he's only in my head, its going to take time but I'll forget.
They say I need to get on with my life, but what they don't realize:
Is when you're dialing 6 numbers just to hang up the phone,
Driving across town just to see if he's home,
Waking a friend in the dead of the night- just to hear him say its gonna be alright,
When you're finding things to do not to fall asleep,
Because you know he'll be there in your dreams,
That's when he is more than a memory.

I hate it when someone was such a part of your life that you have a hard time letting go. Everyone likes to tell you that with time you'll forget and move on and it wont be hard anymore. Unfortunately, it doesn't always work like that. You can't just hope that eventually you'll get enough new memories that they will drown out the old ones. It just doesn't work that way for me. As much as I wish it did.

Because when your memory and your emotions and your will is unwilling to let him go- its true, he is more than a memory.

A Lack of Understanding

2009-02-10T20:33:00.000-08:00

There is a weird phenomenon that I've never been able to exactly understand. It is one that I have noticed in a large variety of places, among lots of different people, and in many different situations. It is the phenomenon where you will often see a person who was in a long-term relationship that didn't work out, get engaged/married to another person after a much shorter length of time.

Let me further explain. I know of a number of people who have been in relationships that have lasted for a year or more. Occasionally 2 years. And sometimes 8-9 months. Sadly, these relationships will sometimes not work out. (I always wondered how you could date a person for a year or more and then NOT get married- but then I was in that situation and therefore stopped questioning it.) Now let me explain the oddity of the situation- the phenomenon is more clearly seen when that person finally gets married. Often times you will notice that this person who was in a fairly long relationship will end up marrying someone that they have dated for 3-4 months.

Why? I can count 3 of these strange cases off of the top of my head:
~A guy that was in a 2 year relationship gets engaged to another girl after 4 months.
~A girl who dated a guy for a year and a half gets engaged to another guy after 3 months.
~A guy who was in a year relationship gets engaged to another girl after 4 months.
*(Trust me, there are many more examples where those came from...)

Now I realize that someone who has had the patience to date for a length of time and not get married is probably more ready to get married the next time someone comes along- but something about those statistics just seems a little off to me. Why would you invest so much time and energy into a person that you do not end up marrying and then invest less than half that amount of time in the person that you DO end up marrying?

With my luck I'll end up getting engaged after 4 months of dating... just so I can join the group. But I really cannot understand why/how it happens that you can spend so much time, effort, emotion into someone that you don't marry- and end up spending so much less time on someone else. It would seem to me that it would almost be needful to spend at LEAST the same amount of time with the new person that you spent with the previous person. But for some reason this is not the way society seems to be working.

Pearls Before Breakfast

2009-02-06T07:40:00.000-08:00

A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that thousand of people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.

Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried up to meet his schedule. A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping continued to walk.A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work.

The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.

In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars.Two days before his playing in the subway, tickets for Joshua Bell's performance at a theater in Boston were sold out and the seats averaged $100.This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste, and priorities of people.

The outlines were: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour: Do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be: If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?

What do ya'll think I should do?

2009-01-20T07:59:00.001-08:00

I thought I'd take an informal poll on my blog. For this poll I'll present my options and I want you all to post your opinions in the comments (if you care to).

I'll be graduating in August. *gulp* And therefore have to decide what to do with my life after I graduate. Here are my options:

1. Grad School in the West (where most of the potential marriage options are and where I know more about Graduate Schools)
2. Grad School in the East (where I'm from and where my family is located but where most men are weirdies)
3. Full Time Job in the West (same reasoning as above except substitute "jobs" for graduate schools)
4. Full Time Job in the East (same reasoning as above)
5. Full Time Job in West while I prepare for Grad School
6. Full Time Job in East while I prepare for Grad School
7. Travel the world with money I don't have.
8. Go to Utah College of Massage Therapy and open up a shop afterwards.
9. Get a bunch of cats and hunker down- it's going to be a long life.
10. Take voice lessons and become a country music singer.

Ok, now you all get to decide. Put your first and second options if you wouldn't mind. Bring on the advice!

Didn't Anyone Get The Memo?

2009-01-19T07:10:00.000-08:00

Time keeps moving forward. This is a fact that I am very much so aware of... I am not ignorant to the fact that lives progress, that people change, or that it becomes necessary for situations to change. But today I am not enjoying it.

Do you ever feel just a little bit stuck while everyone around you seems to be moving forward? This feeling was particularly brought on today by the following things: a girl I worked with just had a beautiful baby girl, a guy I dated a YEAR AND A HALF ago has a new baby boy, and another guy I dated for a length of time will be getting married soon. Now I'm not resentful of good things happening to people. I'm as happy as can be for them! However, seeing these things causes one to reflect on their own life- and to make comparisons.

These people were all in my same situation when we met. They were students, single, working, and just trying to get by in life. Now these people have had drastic changes: marriage, graduation, children, etc. While I am in exactly the same place I was before: I'm still a student, I'm still working, I have no husband, no children, and I'm just trying to get by in life. It is a bit weird. And some people may say that it is a hint or two of jealousy which drives me to say: didn't anyone get the memo? Things really aren't supposed to change. (Not without me getting to change as well.)

Choosing The Better Part

2008-12-22T18:58:00.000-08:00

How exactly does one go about choosing "the better part"? In a world where no one is perfect, where mistakes are made, and where choices abound, how? How does a person decide? How does one choose "the better part"? What is right or better for one may not be better for another: so advice is hard to take on such matters. The better part is important to us. It is needed so that we can stay on the right path, so that we can be happy, and even so that we can have the spirit to be with us. So again I ask- how is "the better part" decided on and then acted on? More specifically, how do you judge in other people who or what would be your better part?

We have been taught not to expect perfection but also not to settle for anything less than the best. So how do we reconcile those two thoughts and teachings with each other? Do people not deserve a second chance? Does the guy who has been down life's hardest roads not deserve a good and caring partner in this life just as the man who has never taken that path does? A chance to be better and to strive for more?

So answer this: which is worse? The guy who attends every week and passes the sacrament but has not zest for the gospel of Jesus Christ, no passion, no real strength. Or the guy who has stumbled and fallen, who has had a very hard life and who hasn't risen above yet, but who is striving for it and who is very sincere?

Yet, who wants to take that risk on an imperfect and ever-changing human being? That chance that they won't change or won't rise above? It is a scary thought.

Which is the better part? What is the better part? I realize that people are supposed to do things in a certain order- but is it possible that for some people it is better for them to do things on a different path? Is it possible that this woman or that man isn't supposed to follow the traditional path but to forage a new one and to do their best on that path?

I know many woman who ask this question and who are struggling with this topic/idea. I haven't any idea how to answer them.

Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin

2008-12-02T11:50:00.000-08:00

Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, the oldest living apostle of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, died at 11:30 p.m. Monday at the age of 91.
Elder Wirthlin's son Joe said Elder Wirthlin had gone to bed at his Salt Lake City home, and died peacefully of causes incident to age. His oldest daughter, Jane Wirthlin Parker, was present. A member of the family had been staying and caring for Elder Wirthlin, whose wife, Elisa Young Rogers Wirthlin, died two years ago.
The release said Elder Wirthlin had continued to work at his office right up until the Thanksgiving holiday. Funeral arrangements are pending.
Elder Wirthlin's last major public appearance was at the church's most recent semi-annual general conference in October, when he shared an address many church members have since used in lessons and as a guide in dealing with personal challenges. Titled "Come What May and Love It," he spoke of a challenge after his football team lost a tough game.

Ironically, I've been thinking about Elder Wirthlin a lot lately. On Sunday we had a combined Relief Society and Priesthood meeting about his most recent talk. It was fabulous and full of good messages. He'll be missed. I love that wonderful, sweet man.

Random

2008-11-16T08:49:00.000-08:00

I have decided that one of my favorite (unhealthy) things to eat in this world is brownie batter...right out of the mixing bowl. It is fabulous. In fact, I'm doing it right now.

The end.

Tired of Life?

2008-11-16T07:36:00.000-08:00

Am I allowed to get tired of life? Tired of my routine everyday, tired of the people that I regularly see and communicate with, tired of the same things I've been doing for months that have gotten me to the same places that I am right now? Is that even allowed?

I've been noticing a trend in the past few days.
1) I don't care to text the people that I normally text throughout the day. Even when they text me-I take my own sweet time in texting them back.
2) I've been making attempts to change up my schedule a bit (buying tickets to things, doing things a bit differently).
3) Two new people I met excite me and want me to move in with them. It would be exciting and different, and that appeals to me so very much right now. (For those who don't know- I have lived in the same place for 3 years.)
4) I've been shaking up some other habits too: study habits, school habits.
5) I am utterly bored with my job and often think about getting a different one.
6) I'm trying to figure out what path to take after I graduate (which will be coming pretty soon as I am a Senior).
7) I've been making no attempt to be social with my usual circle of friends. The depressing part is how well it works.

I think I need to make some sort of life changes soon...
I'll keep you updated.

Sore

2008-11-12T07:54:00.001-08:00

I'm sore. Beyond sore. Incredibly sore. Unbelievably sore. It really seems rather crazy that I should be this sore.

Being on crutches is forcing me to not only expand my cardio abilities, but it is also giving me an arm workout that I didn't particularly want.

Also, did you know that pavement is slippery when wet? In the past few days if you’ve noticed a poor defenseless girl who has been ruthlessly thrown to the grown by the fact that her crutches slipped out from under her- that was me. So not only is my body taking a beating, but my pride is as well.

I don’t enjoy being sore. I get no satisfaction from it. Just pain! Some might say that I’m a pansy… all I’ve got to say to you is that when YOU go around for a week to all of your classes on crutches, fall a few times, and have your arms rubbed raw from crutches—we’ll see who the pansy is. :-P

Random Stuff About Meeeee!

2008-11-12T07:07:00.000-08:00

*FOODOLOGY*

What is your salad dressing of choice? Lime cilantro. Fabulous stuff.

What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? Macaroni Grill :-)

What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Um, I already eat chocolate most days. So I’ll go with that answer.

What are your pizza toppings of choice? Extra cheese, just a little bit of sauce, pepperonis, and mushrooms!

What do you like to put on your toast? Parmesan. Seriously… you should try it.

*TECHNOLOGY*

What is your wallpaper on your computer? A picture I took of an Aztecan Temple. *nod*

How many televisions are in your house? In my home home where my parents live there are 5. In my apartment here there are 2 (one is in my roommate’s room and the other in the living room).

What color cell phone do you have? White

*BIOLOGY*

Are you right-handed or left-handed? LEFTHANDED BABY! Just like our dear president…

Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Hair, fingernails, blood… do those count?

What is the last heavy item you lifted? Myself, I’m on crutches so I have to lift myself.Have you ever been knocked unconscious? Yup.

*BULLCRAPOLOGY*

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? Heck yes!

If you could change your name, what would you change it to? Alexandria, Maddlynn, or Arianna

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1,000? Pretty much.

*DUMBOLOGY*

How many pairs of flip flops do you own? Four or five, I usually have favorites though.

Last time you had a run-in with the cops? When I was with a security guard and he decided to show me something in a place we weren’t supposed to be…and the cops came by to see what on earth we were doing there.

What do you want to be when you grow up? A social worker :-)

Last person you talked to? A customer on the phone…

Last person you hugged? My good guy friend…

*FAVORITOLOGY*

Season? Christmas! That’s a season right?

Holiday? Again: CHRISTMAS!

Day of the week? Saturday, then Fridays. LoL

Month? December

*CURRENTOLOGY*

Missing someone? My mom, and that one other person.

Mood? Tired, sore, and chatty.

Listening to? The chatter of other voices?

Watching? The computer screen.Worrying about? My classes… all of them.

*RANDOMOLOGY*

First place you went this morning? Work (still there actually)

What can you not wait to do? Go home to see my family for Christmas!!!

What's the last movie you saw? Er, I’m not even sure. Emperor’s New Groove maybe?

Do you smile often? Yes! I dearly love to laugh…

Noises

2008-11-11T23:26:00.001-08:00

I'm not sure what or why my mind and body work the way they do- but such is life, no? And for some reason it has been designed within my body that random and unexplained noises to drive me freaking loony. I have no thoughts on why this happens. But without fail: whenever someone somewhere is playing their music excessively loud, whenever there is a carpet cleaning truck cleaning carpets somewhere in my apartment complex, and whenever a garbage truck enters our neighborhood--not only am I keenly aware of the noises that these events make, but I am seriously annoyed at this presence of sound.

This is why I was very perturbed to discover something about my small aquatic pet frogs. I've had these frogs for years. There are three. They are small, cute, easy to take care of, and they only require that you change their water every other week and feed them daily in order to be happy. They are fairly tiny animals- being about the size from the top of my thumb to just below my knuckle. In fact- I have procured a picture from google that illustrates about what they look like:These frogs provide me with a basic source of entertainment. They swim around their little fish bowl (yes, they live in a fish bowl-what a wonderful life) and will sometimes float at the top of the bowl (which I find very entertaining). However, I have recently discovered that these cute little darlings also CAN, if they so desire, make a soft, high pitched, noise. Boo.

Sitting in the living room more recently, my ears picked up a rather annoying noise. It wasn't a loud noise, and nevertheless and notwithstanding it being a small noise- it did pierce me to the center and cause my senses to burn. I wanted to know the source of the noise and for the noise to go AWAY. Upon a bit of research- the conclusion was drawn that it was the FROGS making this noise. The noise can be discouraged by blowing on the water, picking up the bowl, or in some other way disturbing them-- but personally I find it rather strange and weird that they make any noise at all. I know Bullfrogs make noises, but these are tiny African, aquatic frogs! What the jones is up with that?

Because I felt like it...

2008-11-05T19:07:00.000-08:00

1. Where is your cell phone? Sitting on my stomach right in front of my computer.
2. Where is your significant other? Somewhere on this green earth.
3. Your hair color? Brown
4. Your mother? At home, my home. Likely in bed at this time of night.
5. Your father? Hopefully with my mom...
6. Your favorite thing? People
7. Your dream last night? I had a dream that a guy friend of mine had a crush on me and I was worried about how to tell him that I didn't feel the same way.
8. Your dream/goal? To be happy with a good family of my own.
9. The room you're in? My bedroom.
10. Your hobby? Reading, singing, apparently hurting myself, trying out new things.
11. Your fear? Not being able to accomplish all of my goals/not being good enough.
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? With my husband. :-) Preferably back east.
13. Where were you last night? Er, at home. Hanging out with various friends and visitors.
14. What you're not? Heavily talented. HA!
15. One of your wish-list items? A trip to Europe.
16. Where you grew up? South east.
17. The last thing you did? Attempted to clean my room while I hobbled around on crutches.
18. What are you wearing? Shorts, sweatshirt, ankle brace.
19. Your TV? Extremely small.
20. Your pet? Frogs! 3 of them. Although I'd have cats if I could.
21. Your computer? An Acer. I need a new one though. Maybe when I graduate.
22. Your mood? Mellow
23. Missing someone? Very much.
24. Your car? Not officially mine, yet.
25. Something you're not wearing? A sock on my left foot, I've only got one on my right foot.
26. Favorite store? New York and Company
27. Your summer? Spent traveling to 5 different places all along the east coast.
28. Love someone? Very much so.
29. Your favorite color? Green!
30. When is the last time you laughed? Earlier this afternoon.
31. Last time you cried? Earlier this afternoon, but it had nothing to do with the laughing.

My new friends....

2008-11-03T16:09:00.000-08:00

Say hello to my new friends. I named the left one Mac and the right one Steve. They will be my constant companions for the next few weeks. Yes, that is right folks, after I've barely recovered from my last up close and personal encounter with some stairs-- I have another one. Seriously though, stairs are not my friends these days. I shall be taking the elevator whenever possible from now on.

I have a sprained ankle. It isn't looking good. Nasty pulled ligaments and swelling abound. I really and sincerely think that life is picking on me. This really doesn't seem fair...

Engagement Pictures-- not OF me.

2008-11-03T07:28:00.000-08:00

I'm so excited and just have to put a little plug out there: I took my first official set of engagement pictures the other day, and they turned out WONDERFULLY!

I have always had an interest in photography and I have tinkered around and taken various types of pictures. However, I have never done any official pictures for anyone. A few weekends ago my roommate approached me and asked if I'd be willing to do pictures for her and her new fiance. OF COURSE I said yes.

I was a little nervous about doing "official" engagement pictures as I have never done them before. But they turned out beautifully and I must say that I'm rather proud of it. She recently posted them on Facebook and everyone else seems to love them as well. This has given me confidence! Perhaps I will expand and start seeing if other couples out there need/want their engagement pictures taken by someone who would love the practice and will do it for next to nothing! LoL

Why do I do that?

2008-11-01T08:16:00.000-07:00

I have a tendency, a habit really, to do things that I know aren't going to make me happy in the long run. I'll cancel plans with a friend because of one reason or another and then regret not having plans later. I'll Decide to sleep instead of going to the grocery store or instead of finishing up a homework assignment and then I will have to wake up far too early and scurry to finish my homework or just go hungry one night because of a lack of food that sounds good. So when I do these things that I know I will regret later I don't understand what is going through my head. I honestly cannot remember what I was thinking when I do these things or decide not to do these things. The prevailing memory is the one that I feel *later* when I regret what I have done.

You'd figure that it would be like touching a hot stove and getting burned: you take special care not to let it happen again. But nooooooooo. Even though I know I'm going to get burned I still use large flailing gestures and don't protect myself at all while I'm cooking around the stove.

And yet? I continue none-the-less. Someone explain that one to me because I sure don't get it. Maybe I should go get a shrink...

Five Love Languages

2008-10-30T15:49:00.001-07:00

I feel loved when...

The Five Love Languages

My Primary Love Language is Physical Touch

My Detailed Results:
Physical Touch:	10
Acts of Service:	8
Quality Time:	8
Receiving Gifts:	2
Words of Affirmation:	2

About this quiz

Unhappiness in relationships is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. It can be helpful to know what language you speak and what language those around you speak.

Tag 3 people so they can find out what their love language is.

Take the Quiz!
Check out the Book

I've been missing the south lately....

2008-10-30T09:45:00.000-07:00

You KNOW you are from the South if...

1. You can properly pronounce Conetoe (ca-neat-a), Beautancus (bo-tank-us), and Albertson (all-bert-son).
2. You learned how to drive a tractor before you learned how to drive a car.
3. You think people who complain about the heat in their states are sissies. Just wait until you've had HUMID heat.
4. Hurrican season means that you flip over your trampoline and get out the canoe for when it floods.
5. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade.
6. The "He needed killin!" defense if valid here.
7. You think everyone from a Yankee-state has an accent.
8. You measure distance in minutes.
9. You've used a bamboo cane fishing pole.
10. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.
11. You know cowpies are not made of beef.
12. You save your bacon grease and know how to use it later.
13. You know someone who has a belt buckle bigger than your fist.
14. Almost everyone you know is either Baptist or Methodist.
15. A Mercedes Benz isn't a status symbol. A Chevy Silverado Extended Bed Crew Cab is.
16. You know everything goes better with Ranch dressing.
17. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.
18. Your crave french fries, chicken, and bo-berry biscuits from Bojangles and no where else.
19. On one side of the road there's Wal-Mart and on the other is a cotton field.
20. The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road."
21. Ya'll is singular. All ya'll is plural. All ya'll's is possessive.
22. Fried chicken is a major part of your diet.
23. Krispy Kreme doughnuts are the only kind of doughnuts you eat.
24. You call it a cold Christmas if you don't break out in perspiration in your new sweater.
25. When a single snowflake falls, the entire state shuts down, even if it doesn't stick. The radio and TV news will make snowstorm reports every 10 minutes and the grocery store will be completely sold out of bread, milk, bottled water, and toilet paper.
26. People actually grow, eat and like okra!
27. You know the difference between a hillbilly, a redneck, and a Southerner.
28. Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
29. When you hear a southerner exclaim, "Hey ya'll, whatch this!" You stay out of his way because you know it is likely the last words he will ever say.
30. You understand that at least once a year your car will turn yellow with pollen.
31. You know at least one Bubba, and maybe a few guys named Bo.
32. You say "tuna fish sandwich."
33. You use "Sir" and "Ma'am" if there's a remote possibility that the person you're talking to is least 30 minutes older than you are.
34. You learned about the Civil War as the "War of Northern Aggression."
35.You love sweet tea, mashed potatoes, biscuits, and all Southern comfort food...and Southern Comfort!
36. You know that the Wright brothers might be FROM some yankee states, but that airplane first flew in North Carolina.
37. You could have a flip-flop tan year round.
38. You use "The Waffle House" or "The Bojangles" as a basis for directions.

Classes that want data should get it themselves.

2008-10-28T08:54:00.000-07:00

I have an undying hatred for people who do not know me and call my phone for reasons that I do not care about. Telemarketers, people who want to give you information that you do not want, people who want to administer surveys over the phone, and people who call the wrong number and then try to interrogate you about how long you've had your phone number.

I even have a number of ways to deal with these people:
1. Hang up.
2. Tell them the person they called for died.
3. Mess with their heads (act really dumb, come up with a crazy story, tell them I am in a different country and am being held against my will, etc.).
4. Tell them that I'm busy but if they'll give me their name and number-I'll call them back.
5. Occasionally I'll impatiently deal with them/answer their questions. (But not often).

However, I have recently found out that as part of a class I will be required to join the ranks of those I hate. That's right. I'll have to call and conduct telephone surveys. You cannot imagine the depth to which this information annoys and repulses me.

Not only that- but the data is being collected to help graduate students. Us undergraduates are being USED. I am annoyed.

Bah. Humbug.

Irrational

2008-10-27T20:20:00.000-07:00

[short rant]
I don't have to be rational. What I think and feel does NOT have to make sense. If I do not like someone then I am perfectly entitled to not like them without having to articulate exactly why. If someone rubs me the wrong way and I find them obnoxious, rude, and undesirable to be around then I can feel that way without having to justify it.
[/short rant]

Smitten

2008-10-15T20:42:00.000-07:00

I am smitten with a man who is all wrong for me. Don't you hate it when that happens?

Sure he is extremely attractive (average height, killer smile, beautiful eyes, and muscular).
Sure he is attentive (with his frequent trips to see me and his phone calls).
Sure he is exciting (he races motocross, rides horses, does crazy/stupid things).
Sure he is intelligent (he reads everything he gets his hands on and recalls all sorts of interesting facts).
Sure he likes me (for reasons that I know not).

But he is a bad boy and I ought not be smitten. Right? Oh dear. I'm already attached. I didn't mean to I swear! Someone talk me out of this. :-S Why are the bad boys always the more attentive and sweet ones? They are the ones who go for what they want and make sure that YOU know that they are interested. They don't leave any doubt in your mind. I like that...

Oh dear. I'm smitten.... but I ought not be.

Men are failed women...

2008-10-13T21:28:00.000-07:00

I heard something a few days ago that made me choke on my food. An elderly woman was chatting with her husband while they were eating. The husband made some remark about not understanding why they needed to have a certain color of couch (I can only assume that they were about to buy a new one and the wife wanted his opinion on colors). The wife looked at him sympathetically and said: it is ok honey- you have a broken chromosome.

Meaning that while women have 2 X chromosomes, men have 1 whole X chromosome and then a broken one in the form of a Y. I like it.

Hehe. Elderly people make me giggle.

My stroke of luck (bad luck that is) continues!

2008-10-13T18:55:00.000-07:00

Maybe I should not have been so excited for the weekend. I fell and now have the following issues:
1. Knots and sore spots on my head.
2. Hurt ribs.
3. A messed up tail bone.
4. A hurt hip.
5. Several scratches on my arms and face.
6. Hurting muscles in my neck.

Yeah, it was kind of a bad fall. Oops. I guess I'm just bad like that. I think that my worst problem is that I keep on thinking how awful that I was so embarrassed. My pride got hurt. Bah.

I'll heal. But for now I'll lay on my stomach and wish I didn't have to get up in the morning.

I really do have the WORST luck..

Free Handbags!

2008-10-13T07:08:00.000-07:00

Seriously though, who doesn't love the opportunity to win a free purse? I know I do! If you want to enter to win then go here and try it! Here is the one that I really hope to get!!!

Looking forward to the weekend!

2008-10-10T06:40:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure why I'm looking forward to this weekend. I've no specific or exciting plans. I had specific and exciting plans to go up to SLC this afternoon/evening. It was going to be a fun filled evening full of dinner, dancing, and hot tubing. However, apathy has hit me like a cold knife in the night- so when something little came up I used it as an excuse to bail on that plan for this evening.

I'll be working all day on Saturday. I've got several things that I need to get done this weekend- printing up the ward directories, working on a lab for a class, cleaning my room, doing laundry, cleaning the kitchen (that my roommates have gotten lax about cleaning this week), and the like. And yet- I'm really looking forward to this weekend. It will be nice. I intend on having a good time- even if I'm not doing anything terribly exciting.

Also, it is a bit fun to pull out my cute winter-ish clothes. Seeing as it is cold and winter-y outside. I'm totally ALREADY in count down mode for Christmas (don't judge me). :-) [Start the music] Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas! [/Music]

Gee Wiz!

2008-10-06T19:02:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here listening to my toilet run and lack the desire to get off my butt and try to fix it. Don't yell at me about the water that I'm wasting; I'll do it soon enough.

I have decided that I am utterly useless as a student past about the time of 6PM. I am simply hardly able at all to make myself study at all. I'll sit in front of a book and get sleepy (therefore not being able to remember anything I read) or in front of a computer screen and continuously think about all of the fun websites/blogs I could be checking out. I'll try and I'll try but my productivity decreases about 70% as soon as the clock strikes 6. It really is pathetic-I should have this figured out by now and be able to force myself to get things done. But I don't. And chances are? I probably won't. I should probably leave the day for school work and work at night or something, but instead I use those precious hours where I'm actually productive and work for several hours each morning. Oh well. I'm doing fine in my classes thus far so maybe I'll just leave well enough alone.

I am supremely tired today. And yet I want to go do things. Maybe I should get more sleep tonight and then do things tomorrow?

My friend has decided not to come back to BYU, or Provo, or Utah. I'm rather sad about that. I was hoping she'd get her butt back here and hang out with me like we used to before she took a job in another state.

I really want to go to the "Enchanted" homecoming dance on Friday night. But none of my guy friends enjoy dancing (especially not while wearing a suit) and I don't have the guts to ask any of the guys that I might be interested in. What a conundrum! Any guys out there enjoy dancing and look good in a suit? HA! Maybe I'll just get up the guts to force a suit onto one of my guy friends! HA!

Where did that come from?

2008-10-03T16:38:00.000-07:00

A guy called and asked me out for this weekend. I said that I was sorry but that I already had plans that night... he said "oh ok, well call me if plans change or if the ice melts."

WHAT ON EARTH?

I didn't even know what to say to that so I just said bye. But seriously though- suddenly I have an icy cold heart because I like to make plans with friends in advance? Dang man. I've never had anyone even allude to that before when referring to me. Have all of the men in Provo become contaminated with something that has transformed them into jerks? Freak-a-leek.

Sleepless in Provo

2008-10-03T01:40:00.000-07:00

I try to hold them back so they won't come in,
But then suddenly the flood of memories begin,
A past that is mine, a present with memories to make,
But the thoughts just seem to keep my brain awake.

Some thoughts and memories bring a smile to my face,
Others-more painful only seem this smile to erase,
I wonder what tomorrow will bring for me,
If a frown on a smile on my face there will be.

Lines crease on my forehead and I think of my plight,
Habits and tendencies I know I must fight,
The battle rages onward and I shrink back just a bit,
My dreams and my drive just don't seem to fit.

Who will be victorious when all is said and done?
Will it ever stop coming, will this fight ever be won?
I don't know, I can't tell, it is too soon to say,
All I know is that tomorrow is a brand new day.

I promise I only get this corny at 3 AM when I'm dead tired and yet I cannot sleep.

I'm speechless, over the edge with this, breathless, I never thought that I'd catch this...

2008-09-22T21:36:00.000-07:00

A combined effort has made me feel better about life today. Thank you everyone for your comments of support! You all rock. Also, someone showed up with a Gerber daisy for me at work. Another person insisted that we get together soon and watch Nacho Libre to make us laugh. Another person showed up at my place with the biggest milkshake I've ever seen in my life. It succeeded in making me feel better and I sincerely appreciate everyones' efforts. :-)

Thanks everyone!

10 Reasons This Past Week Should Not Have Happened

2008-09-21T18:57:00.000-07:00

I would like to make a list of reasons why this past week (and weekend) should not have happened.

1. I hurt my leg(s) last weekend and therefore had this funky limp for several days this week. If you saw someone walking slowly and limping on both legs- it was me. It was painful and I developed shin splints from the way I was limping apparently. I don't have a parking pass for campus- I walk 20 minutes to campus every morning. So when I couldn't find a ride to school...I had to walk. It hurt, it made me tired and it made me irritable.

2. I had far too much school work to accomplish. I calculated it up and this week alone I was supposed to have read over 300 pages. Do you think that happened? Don't make me laugh.

3. At work we had a 7 AM meeting. Bah.

4. I got into an argument with a friend, it wasn't fun. I haven't spoken to that person since.

5. I didn't do very well on a paper. I talked to several other students who ALL agreed that the teacher was horridly vague and unclear about the paper. So I don't feel like it is my fault. However, something tells me that I'm not going to score very highly on that paper. Which makes me annoyed because I generally do better on papers than anything else in the class.

6. My car was towed. It wasn't really my fault- the person I was visiting told me I could park there and there were not proper signs informing me that if I parked there that I would be towed. You don't put a sign that say "VISITOR PARKING" across the top and then in very small print under it put the details of how/when/why you are allowed to park there. So in the middle of the night I had to WALK to the towing place (as my friend doesn't have a car and my phone was dead), wait for over an hour and a half, and then pay $150.

7. I went out with a guy about 2 weeks ago. I didn't have a good time. I saw the guy again this weekend and he asked me out. I tried very tactfully to tell him that I wasn't interested. When he finally figured out that I was saying no simply because I didn't like him very much he then proceeded to curse me out. Calling me a high and mighty "b" who thought she was better than him and telling me how I wasn't even pretty and he was doing me a favor. He also threw in several other choice words including one that started with an "f" that he used several times. Oh, and I believe I was called a slut- even though I don't have a clue how he felt justified in calling me that.

8. I worked for nearly 9 hours on Saturday and was so exhausted by the time I got home that I missed the ward opening social that I was really looking forward to. Then, showing up on Sunday I felt completely out of the loop because apparently most of the ward had gone and they had all gotten to know each other and had "bonded" or something.

9. I accidentally dried my favorite shirt. It shrunk and I can't wear it anymore. Bah.

10. I haven't been sleeping very well lately due to all of these things and that makes me prone to migraines. Nuff said.

I don't agree with everything in this but I just about died laughing.

2008-09-08T07:31:00.000-07:00

The article below was written by syndicated columnist, Thomas Sowell. He wrote it in a humorous way this past week in a column titled 'Random Thoughts' and published it in newspapers nationally, so maybe you've already seen it. If not, be my guest:

Senator John McCain could never convince me to vote for him. Only Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama can cause me to vote for McCain.

After long and serious thought, I have decided to endorse Senator John McCain for President.I have always voted for the person and have not voted for anyone because some political party was telling me who I should vote for.We all know the choices by now and, that said, I do believe that the process of selecting a chief executive is deeply flawed. The words 'money' and 'special interests' come to mind, among many others.

Here's the way I see it:Barack Obama, you are a fine public speaker. You are also an extremely liberal Senator from the State of Illinois, which has a long and rich history of political corruption of the first magnitude. You are indeed a child of that system. You have finally insulted my intelligence far beyond my capacity to tolerate your insults. It has nothing at all to do with your skin color. As a matter of fact, it would be so COOL to finally have an African-American for President. What a great statement that would be to t he entire world that we are indeed the greatest country on earth! But, unfortunately, General Colin Powell is not running, and YOU are NOT the man for this job!

Barack baby, you want me to believe that you have never heard the sermons of your own pastor, the Right Reverend 'God Damn America' Jeremiah Wright. It is a matter of record that this has been your church for over 20 years. It is a matter of record that you wer e married there by this very pastor, and that your children were baptized there. The good Reverend saw fit to visit Khadafy in Libya and to give a lifetime achievement award to Louis Farrakhan, of all people. We have all now seen excerpts of his sermons all over the airwaves by now. And you have publicly stated that this man IS your 'spiritual mentor.' BUT, your pastor is NOT the reason I am NOT voting for you. His words were disturbing enough, but it is your own HUGE church congregation, seen jumping, hooting and howling to his words in the background that disturb me the most. And please don't tell me you attended church there and never once heard a 'discouraging word' in the 20 years you attended there. Don't tell me, that in addition to the good reverend, that you are now not having anything to do with all those other people seen hooting and howling out in the audience in the background of his fiery tirades. Even Oprah Winfrey got disgusted and walked out on your campaign. I am no Oprah fan, but still she did the right thing.

Now you look me in the eye and ask me to believe that you never heard such language in all the years you attended there! This is like me telling you that I attended dozens of Klan rallies and never once heard the 'N' word. Yep. And Bill Clinton 'did not inhale'.

Yes, Mr. Obama, we all have friends who have said stupid things that embarrassed us, but NOW you have asked me to believe something that is so incredibly stupid that you are telling me that I am just stupid enough to believe you. THAT is the main reason that I will never vote for you. I am deeply sorry, that in a country teeming with enormously talented African Americans who would make a good President, that the political system has chosen YOU. You are a pathetic and plastic excuse for an American, who will not even salute the Flag during the Pledge of Allegiance. God forbid you ever get near the Oval Office.

Which leaves us with Senator John McCain. John, you are a flawed man. You are a bit old, a bit looney, and you have a notoriously bad temper. This perfectly qualifies you, in my humble opinion, to lead us for the next eight years.

I WANT your trembling hand on the nuclear button. Think about it. We have Kim Jong IL, Chavez and Ahmadenijad all running around like lunatics, threatening America and threatening to plunge the world into nuclear Armageddon. We have Putin and the Chinese blustering and rattling their sabers at us.

I want John McCain in the Oval Office and I want him to be really ticked off at all these other nut jobs around the planet. John, once you are elected, I want you to go into the Oval Office and throw one of your perfect FITS. Jump up and down and throw something through a plate glass window. Rip the drapes down and foam at the mouth a bit. And I want the whole thing on camera so that Ahmadinejad can see it. I want ALL of these 'world leaders' to lay awake at night and to break out in a cold sweat every time they think of messing with the United States of America. I want the nuclear button sitting right next to the alarm clock on your night stand. I want pictures of this to be sent to Iran, Russia, China, Venezuela, Cuba, Libya, Syria, Pakistan, and those other dopes in the sheets, the Saudis.

On the domestic front, poor John did try and reach across the aisle to the opposition in a desperate effort to compromise and to get the Congress to do something. You may not agree with his efforts, but at least he TRIED. For all his efforts, all he got handed to him was his head in a basket. The liberals are ticked at him and the conservatives are ticked at him. Just my kinda guy.

I predict that John will select Senator Joe Lieberman as his running mate. Good choice. I want a Jew whose memory of the Holocaust is still fresh in his mind and w ho is royally ticked off at all of these towel-headed morons in the Middle East to be the next in line if something should happen to John. Shalom, Vice President Joe. One heartbeat from the Oval Office.

Finally, John McCain knows on a most personal level what it is to suffer horrible torture for years and to see others die, right in front of you, for their love of America. When you ask him about it, he will tell you that what he did was 'nothing special. ' Even more incredibly, he states that ANY American who truly loves his country would do exactly the same as he did in that situation. You and I will have a hard time believing that, but the real point is that John McCain believes that about the 'average American,' and that, dear friends and neighbors, is why I will cast my one poor ballot on election day for John McCain -- warts and all.'

Fate likes to test you on your claims.

2008-09-05T21:43:00.000-07:00

So in the previous post I declared that I was over the man who I once considered the love of my life. It was only last night that I steadfastly decided that I was now and forever ok with the fact that things had not worked out. I decided that I had moved on. That instead of wanting to be with him, I just wanted him to be happy with whomever he was with.

Fate didn't like that declaration and she decided to put my claim to the test. (I say "she" because surely fate is a woman- sneaky, devious, and ever changing.)

THE VERY NEXT DAY (as in today) I was sitting at work and the boy decides to "pop in" to my work place for no other reason than to say hello. I put on a smile and sincerely hate how seeing him makes my heart pound. We make small talk as I ask how he is doing. About this time I notice an ill-proportioned, blond attachment on his hand. HE BROUGHT HIS GIRLFRIEND.

That is right folks. He kindly decided to grace me with his presence when he was with his new girlfriend. It was all I could do not to glare daggers at her or to suddenly lunge over my desk at her- so I instead ignored her (in true female fashion). I finished my small talk with the boy and he promptly decided to hit the road. No sooner had he walked back out of the door- but my eyes flooded with tears and I was forced to retreat to the women's restroom. I thought I was fine, I thought I was over it, and fate decided to put my declarations to the test.

I sure failed that test. Bah.

My latest declaration:

2008-09-04T22:51:00.001-07:00

To all those who know what I'm talking about...

I'm letting go. For real this time. I know it was time for that almost *forever* ago, but this time I mean it. I'm letting go for now and forever. I release my heart and my mind from him. It is done. So let it be written- so let it be done.

No good deed...

2008-09-04T07:46:00.000-07:00

I’ve been pondering some of the complexities of life lately. Of course, it doesn’t take some great world marvel to be considered a “complexity” to me. Figuring out why on earth the grass feels wet even when the sun has been shining on it all day, wondering why humans don’t pant like dogs when they are out in the heat, wondering why flies always seem so attracted to horses, and not knowing why it is that people are so willing to tell bold-faced lies. I’ll probably never understand these things, and that is ok with me. However, I’ve been contemplating another of life’s complexities lately: why do the little things in life seem to go wholly unappreciated and unnoticed. Even more so- how is it that good intentions can sometimes go so completely astray? I know that I, as well as a few other people I know- have recently been feeling a bit like Elphaba from the musical “Wicked.” Sometimes it seems that at the end of the day after all of our good intentions are spent; we still end up thinking like Elphaba.

“My road of good intentions led where such roads always lead! No good deed goes unpunished….”

It can really become discouraging when you become convinced that the things you try to do towards good never work out. When the compliment you give is thrown back in your face as being a lie, when you find out the person you took ice cream to actually isn't able to eat the ice cream, when you tell a friend you will pick them up at a certain time but then you get lost on the way there, or when you try to do someone a huge favor but it all goes wrong. These are all things that can leave you feeling worse than if you had never tried to do something nice at all.
So time after time we try to do helpful and kind things that all end up going all wrong and therefore do no one any good at all. So why do good things at all? Why continue trying when it all ends in heartache and tears? (Ok, not literally- but still.) I haven’t a clue. Sometimes it makes me want to make a declaration like my friend Elphaba:

No good deed goes unpunished! All helpful urges should be circumvented! No good deed goes unpunished. Sure, I meant well - well, look at what well meant did…”

But then, just when you are ready to give up doing anything for another person, you strike gold. When you are ready to accept that all of your attempts at doing good things are completely useless- you actually do something that makes a difference to someone.
I work in customer service. Yesterday at work I noticed that a co-worker of mine was having a hard day. When she was approached by an angry customer (who I could tell was on the verge of a rant), I decided to step in and had the customer come talk to me instead. I listened patiently while the customer vented their frustrations and then effectively made them feel horrible for their words by being sugary sweet. This wasn’t even something that I had considered to be significant at all- I’m used to getting yelled at in my line of work. However, a bit later my co-worker approached me and told me how grateful they were for that act of kindness. She said that she felt sure that she would have broken down in tears at that point. Awww! One of my good deeds worked out. Maybe I’ll continue trying to do good deeds instead of completely giving up. But I sure can understand Elphaba’s reasoning.

Playing jenga with a 5 foot stack of books is not a good thing...

2008-08-28T07:11:00.000-07:00

I've had the opportunity lately to visit the BYU Bookstore numerous times. As many of you may know- the 3rd floor of the BYU Bookstore has been transformed into quiet the hotspot as of late. It is filled to the brim with students and parents as they prepare for the upcoming fall semester of school. The students are busy gathering information, buying books, picking through school supplies, and trying to get their lives on track before Doom-Day (the beginning of classes). Due to the time of year- meaning the absence of insane school work/test stressors and the fact that most students have just finished enjoying their summer vacations, you would think that the population of BYU would be at its finest. However, upon seeing the happenings of the text floor at the BYU Bookstore during this time of year I have begun to seriously wonder if the admittance standards for BYU have fallen since I was admitted into this prestigious university.

Here is a small and watered down account of a few of my experiences on the upper level of the BYU Bookstore:

1. I personally witnessed two students who were ravaging through a pallet of books, feverishly searching for the best used book. Upon not being content with the selection of used books on the top of the stack, they began pulling books out of the side of the pallet to compare the conditions. All the while these 2 darling girls were laughing and declaring it to be like playing “jenga.” I’m not sure if anyone else seeing the problem in playing “jenga” with a pallet of books that is about as tall as I am, but I highly suspect that the person who had to fix their debauchery was not happy.

2. While browsing through the books I heard a young freshman on the phone (presumably with his brother). The young man was telling his brother what the book for a particular class was, and this is the account that I heard:
“Yea, Math 110. I found it.”
“Ok, ok, the book is called College Algebra…” [he flips the book over]
“And it comes with something… it’s called the My Meth Lab.”
[5 second pause]
“Are they allowed to sell those in the United States?”
Everybody hurry and sign up for the Math 110 class! Apparently they are now teaching kids how to produce meth in the college algebra classes.

3. Upon coming to the shelf and finding only new books, a young male decided that of course the used books must be hiding at the back of the shelf. So he had started taking the stacks of books and either pushing them out of the way or placing them on the floor in an attempt to get to the books at the back of the shelf. When he figured out that the stack of books was only comprised of new textbooks- he gave up and left the manhandled books in their new positions. I find that kind of disrespect and discourtesy a bit bothersome.

4. Another favorite sight at the BYU Bookstore when you get to observe the “new freshmen and their parents.” I find a sick sort of hilarity in seeing a submissive new student following around after their over-eager and aggressive parents. A part of me imagines that around 50% of the complaints and annoyances that the bookstore staff have to deal with are due to these parents. Personally, I have a red flag that goes up when you see 2 parents bickering over text books while their child hangs back quietly and is simply holding the basket. Dear new students: mommy and daddy will not be going with you to classes. They will not always be around to find your books and solve your problems. So do yourself and the BYU Bookstore a favor and cut those strings man, cut those strings.

I can only imagine what those poor girls and boys at the Textbook Information Desk have to go through on a regular basis during this time of the year. Therefore I’m in agreement with a comment that I heard 2 girls make as they stood in line, waiting to ask a question at the Text Info Desk: “man, I sure wouldn’t want to work here during this time of the year.”

I stole this from Katria...

2008-08-21T02:39:00.000-07:00

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to Ten Different People Right Now:
1. Stop only doing things half way. Do what you're going to do and be done with it.
2. Sometimes I don't know why you put up with me, but I sure am glad you do.
3. It was me.
4. If you'd stop and really look at things for just a minute, you might figure it all out.
5. You try so hard to prevent life, just live it.
6. Why aren't you here with me? Right now? You should come back, I miss you.
7. You are my best friend but the many states between us doesn't help the situation.
8. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you- you're amazing in every sense of the word.
9. I'm sorry.
10. I never know the right thing to say to you, so it comes out horribly. But trust me, I'll always be there "should ya need me."

Nine Things About Myself:
1. I usually say what is on my mind- usually the more superficial things, not deep things.
2. I have a favorite park and it is over in Orem. I spend far too much free time there.
3. Stress makes me feel sick.
4. I'm a beach junkie: I love the water, the sun, and the sand. Therefore living in Utah makes me crazy.
5. I'd do just about anything for my friends or family, period.
6. Sometimes I stay up late thinking about life (nothing in particular) just because I don't want to fall asleep yet. But in the mornings I regret it.
7. I'm very self-conscious about my hair.
8. I love everything having to do with other cultures, except the lingering smell in my apartment sometimes after they cook...I wish to someday have a library in my home.
9. My personality type if ENJF.

Eight Ways To Win My Heart:
1. Be worthy of the trust I give you
2. Take me somewhere I've never been before
3. Make me laugh hysterically
4. Listen when I want to talk and talk when I want to listen
5. Get along well with my family
6. Let me put my head in your lap when I feel so inclined
7. Do the little things that make a friendship/relationship happy
8. Let me do things for you and don't make a big deal out of it, but act thankful

Seven Things That Cross My Mind a Lot:
1. The gospel
2. My family
3. My friends
4. I'm tired
5. I don't want to [fill in blank]
6. Love for the sunshine
7. The lyrics of the song playing on my iPod

Six Things I Do Before I Fall Asleep:
1. Change Clothes
2. Brush my teeth
3. Floss my teeth
4. Plug in my phone to charge
5. Set my alarm
6. Think about what I need to do the next day

Five People Who Mean a Lot:
1. Parents
2. Sisters
3. Girl from NY with attitude
4. Boy who is there when I'm in dire need
5. Boy who is gone for now

Four Things You’re Wearing Right Now:
1. My glasses
2. Terry cloth capris
3. A green T-shirt
4. Socks

Three Songs That You Listen to Often (Currently):
1. Officially Yours
2. Gotta Find You
3. Watching Airplanes

Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die:
1. Visit India
2. Have a huge family reunion at the beach with myself, my sisters, all our kids, our husbands, and my parents... all together and happy.

One Confession:
1. I try to act "tough" but I'm really not.

Why so many relationships never work:

2008-08-19T16:55:00.000-07:00

I've finally figured out why so many relationships do not work out. Well, one of the many reasons that relationships often do not work out. Aside from the fact that people are stupid, that they have unrealistic expectations, and that they are selfish- relationships don't work out because people simply cannot be happy with what they have. It simply drives me crazy when a man or a woman is in a relationship with someone and yet they still have some little instinct that drives them to look at someone else and think, "wow, that girl/guy is cute!" It is the same instinct that drives people in relationships to flirt with people of the opposite sex.

It is almost as though it is a type of self-preservation. You automatically assume that your current relationship isn't completely assured and therefore a small part of you is always looking to the possible future. So what do you do when a you see someone cute of the opposite sex? You flirt! You flirt so that you keep your options open- just in case. It is that precise thought that leads to the downfall of so many relationships. Humans just seem incapable of giving their entire selves to someone. To put all their efforts, their talents, and their hopes into one person. Therefore, they leave room for selfishness and doubts. Those doubts of what happens when things don't work out? That selfishness of looking after yourself and preparing for what happens "afterwards."

I'm not saying that I'm perfect or that I'm not guilty of this myself- but sometimes it is annoying that people are so selfish that way.

I heard something from a good friend of mine that really made an impression on me. He said that it doesn't matter what you do for someone. If you come up with awesome dates, if you call that special someone all the time-- those things aren't going to make them love you more than before. It is when a person can put aside their selfishness and do things for you that they'll fall in love with you. Service and charity breed love, not the sweet things that are done to/for you. Although I still enjoy the cute little things that guys will sometimes do.

So, about that.

2008-08-17T19:18:00.000-07:00

So I decided that I dislike it when other people don't post for a long time because it cuts down on my online reading material. Therefore, in an attempt to not be accused of hypocrisy- I decided that I'd better post something. Seeing as it has been a while.

There is not anything terribly interesting going on in my life at the time. I'm working 40 hours and week and coming home in the evenings completely exhausted. I got rid of my old roommates (honestly, it was about time) and I have 2 new ones moving in. This past weekend was stressful because I had to go through cleaning checks, the carpets were cleaned, and I had to do other various things in my apartment to prepare it for new roommates. One has already moved in and is absolutely hilarious- I like her already. The other one will be here soon and she is adorable (I've met her before).

I realized today that I inherited my mother's love for trinkets and figurines. I simply never connected my trinket love to my mother's figurine love. My mother has always gone through phases where she heavily collects things. First I remember it was porcelain dolls. We had tons and tons of them. All over the house. She has a curio cabinet full of them and has them displayed in various places. However, after a number of years she moved on to a second love. A figurine set called "Santa Village." Don't bother googling this particular collection- I tried to google so I could link you to a picture and I couldn't find a single thing. Probably because they discontinued them. The next major collection has been one called "Charming Tales" they are absolutely adorable, but my mother has FAR too many of them. Now, she has started on a slightly more expensive collection of things made by a sculptor that she is fond of. I cannot remember his name- but his pieces come with a price. He does all sorts of things though. Christmas, Halloween, etc, and my mom loves them.

Now, don't get me wrong- I'm in no way condemning my mom. Her beautiful decorations have made the houses that we've lived in into beautiful and tasteful homes. My mom is a very talented woman who has an eye for decoration. She does wonderful themed parties, she makes and keeps our home looking gorgeous with decor that matches the season (tasteful shells during the summer, pumpkins and spooky candelabras during October, exquisite and homemade flower arrangements for every season, and a house full of decorations that would rival any movie star's professionally done home during the Christmas season). But I've got to confess something: I think my mom's habits have rubbed off on me!

I was looking at my room today and I realized that while I do not collect particular collections, I do collect trinkets. A marble dolphin from the Bahamas, pink sand from Bermuda, shot glasses from San Diego and St. Marco Island, a wooden duck from Campus Craft and Floral to remind me of the good times at the Botany Pond, peacock feathers from the Hare Krishna temple, a few shells that I found on the beach in the gulf of Mexico, a plaque that says "Life is Good" on it, a mini Statue of Liberty from New York, a native sculpture thingy from Mexico of a guy playing some sort of horn, and the list goes on and on! I display these trinkets in my room to remind me of all the fun times I've had. Recently I was talking to a friend and she declared that I have far too many trinkets and I should think about getting rid of some. But a love for little material things that are pleasing to look at has been instilled in me. Yes, I took my mother's habit and tweaked it so that it suits my personality- but I still attribute this habit of mine to her. Perhaps when I am older and have more money, I'll see her traditions come out in me in a more pure form. (Aka: maybe I'll start collecting things that are more along the lines of what she likes to collect!) I bet she'd like that actually...

Expectations

2008-08-02T05:49:00.000-07:00

I have officially returned to the land out west. Where mountains block your view, where it is acceptable to have any shade of grass (brown, crunchy, mellow-yellow, slightly green) as long as you have grass period, where no one bothers to look others in the eye as they pass on the street, and where I once again have to return to the "real world." I confess that I was enjoying living in my little fairy land where I was able to travel, relax, and hang out with people while not having to worry about school or work. I was there for nearly 6 weeks and it was a great vacation.

But the vacation is over. On with real life eh?

And now I must write a vague saga that I've been thinking about all night. I have been disappointed by a few things since I've been back in Provo (even though I haven't been back long at all). I've heard my dad say that disappointment comes from unmet expectations. I suppose I had certain expectations about myself and about other people. I was planning on certain things unfolding once I returned and I thought that certain people in my life would have acted a certain way. I even had specific expectations and thoughts about how I should and would do things. Unfortunately, I learned yesterday that things are easier said than done, that you cannot really count on people to meet your unsaid expectations (and sometimes not even your verbalized expectations), and that sleep is a good way to dull the disappointment that comes from these unmet expectations.

But on the flip side, Breaking Dawn comes out today and I will have some family members in town today. So I shall happily have some things to keep my mind occupied.

The Temptations!

2008-07-30T06:20:00.000-07:00

I love music. All types! Everything from Metallica to Miley Cyrus. However, a special place will always be in my heart for the music I was raised on! Stuff like the Embers, the Catalinas, the Chairman of the Board, and The Temptations! Recently I was able to go see the Temptations in concert. These older black men with their soothing voices, swaying back and forth and singing some of my favorite songs. It was pretty much awesome! I took a short video of one of my many favorite songs that they sing and thought that I would share it with all of you so that you could enjoy them too!

Oh How Lovely Was The Morning

2008-07-30T06:10:00.001-07:00

I had a lovely time in a wonderful place. It was extremely peaceful and beautiful-I loved it! I recommend that everyone visit Palmyra, NY and see the places where so many incredible things happened!

Strawberry Preserves

2008-07-27T07:04:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of things that I love about being home. I love that my southern accent is so thick that some people have a hard time understanding me on the phone. I love having family prayer every single night and morning. I love helping my sister curl her hair or sitting and watching my mom as she fixes her own hair. I love how my dad thinks it is funny to wake up everyone in the house ridiculously early by playing music over the stereo system or by singing loudly in the mornings. And I love eating my mom's homemade strawberry preserves on toast, biscuits, or even waffles. Strawberry preserves that have so much sugar in them, that you might has well not eat anything else that day because you've already had your calorie intake for the entire day. Strawberry preserves that are made from fresh, hand-picked strawberries from the strawberry fields just a few miles away every spring.

There is just a different feel to being with my family. There is something magical about it, healing. The way we all have a very similar sense of humor and therefore we all find the same things funny. The way we can sit around and just talk about anything and everything. The way I can know exactly what to expect from my family members. The way we have funny and sometimes quirky traditions that have carried on through the years. I think that the best way to describe being with my family is through strawberry preserves.

Just like my family, strawberry preserves are familiar, something that I'm used to, and they have been made through time and hard work (anyone who has made preserves from hand-picked fruit knows that it is a long process). The sweetness, tartness, and flavor of the strawberries makes the preserves what they are. And they are there, every time I come home, as much as I want.

I love strawberry preserves.

Happy Reminders

2008-07-26T19:37:00.000-07:00

I found a video which perfectly encompasses what about 75% of the females that I went to high-school were like. It is exactly how so many of those girls talked, how they did their hair and nails, and how they acted. So if you'd like a sneak peak into Krishna's high-school days, then take a look!

Now just imagine poor little Krishna surrounded by about 15 Bon Qui Quis in each class. Yes, that is right- I went to school in da hood. But that's ok, I learned to love all types of people. I love this video though. If you hear some girl on BYU campus yelling "sa-curity" or see her holding up one finger and delcaring something to be "rude" then it might be me. And I can rightfully say that I picked it up from my upbringing (when at school at least).

More about me then you probably wanted to know!

2008-07-16T11:11:00.000-07:00

Here is a a little fill in that I found on a friend's blog and since I was wearing shoes, I was deemed necessary to fill it out. Enjoy.

Attached or Single: Attached

Best Friend: My sister!

Cake or Pie: Cake! Cakkkeeee!

Day of Choice: Fridays. Of course.

Essential Items: Shampoo, cell phone, friends.

Favorite Color: Green and then blue and then red.

Gummy Bears or Worms: Sour gummy worms!

Hometown: A hick town in the south.

Indulgences: Chocolate, buying music, buying little things for good friends, picture taking.

January or July: January! It is right after Christmas and I love that.

Kids: They're cute but I ain't got them.

Like or Love: Like, there is much less emotional involvement.

Marriage Date: None

Number of Siblings: 2

Phobias/Fears: Spiders, really nasty bugs, extremely jerky roller coasters, and losing people I love.

Quotes: My life cannot implement in action the demands of all the people to whom my heart responds.

Reason to smile: I'm leaving for the islands tomorrow, I'll be living it up for a week and a half.

Season: Spring because that is when things start to become green again and warm (so you can do things outside) but it isn't so hot that you are miserable outside.

Unknown fact about me:

Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animals: I eat meat but I sure do love animals!

X-Rays or Ultrasounds: Ultrasounds! I like that you get to see things LIVE and in motion.

Your Favorite Food: Steak, when cooked properly of course.

Zodiac: Aries

Ocean

2008-07-13T12:43:00.000-07:00

Here is a recent picture that I took. I find the ocean to be serene and beautiful. It calms my soul and makes me feel introspective, so I find myself examining me and the things in my life a bit more when I enjoy the beautiful waves, the cool water, and the colors that surround me at the ocean.

Senses of Summer

2008-07-13T12:23:00.000-07:00

I was tagged by Curious Physics Minor over there... the punk. So I'm doing this "senses of summer" thing. According to the laws that were laid down by Alexander the Great and Napoleon about "tagging" I am to list the things I love about summer for each of the five senses and tag five people at the end. So here it goes:

Taste: Fresh picked strawberries.

Touch: Surrounded by water while swimming at the beach, pool, or a lake.

Sight: Green grass and people's calves (due to more short wearing).

Smell: Plants (flowers, grass, etc) in the air.

Auditory: Laughter.

I'm not big on tagging people... so if you are reading this and haven't filled it out yet: then [shifty look] TAG! You're it! Now go fill it out.

Even Sadder Day

2008-07-13T12:16:00.000-07:00

Thank you everyone for your kind words and your prayers. However, we're putting the kitty to sleep on Monday morning. We left him at the vet for a while but he wasn't doing very well in there. So we tried bringing him home but it just isn't working that way either. He is depressed and will not eat or drink, he is in pain, he cannot move himself around (and therefore just has to use the bathroom on himself), and we cannot humanely let this continue. So we'll be saying goodbye to a beloved and precious family pet of nearly 9 years tomorrow morning. He will be missed severely.

Sad Day

2008-07-07T14:58:00.000-07:00

I was backing out of the driveway today and I hit my kitty with the car. He's in the animal hospital and is hurt. Apparently he has some broken bones in his pelvic region and they aren't sure if he'll ever be able to walk again. Right now my family is trying to decide if we should put him to sleep or not and I'm heart-sick.

I know that it isn't really my fault. I mean, he wasn't there when I got in the car, I couldn't see him from the rear-view mirror, and he usually gets out of the way if a car is coming, but I sure do still feel like it is my fault.

I never thought I'd cry this much or get so upset about an animal, but I love that cat so much. He was born in my family's house in August of 1999. He has lived here ever since and is the most friendly, sweetest, beautiful cat ever. He's always had a ton of personality and wants your attention whenever you are willing to give it. He's never messed up a lick of furniture or used the bathroom where he ought not to have used it. I've cried on that cat, I've laughed at the silly things he has done, and I've helped raise him since he was a tiny kitten. I cannot believe that he might be gone now and that it is my fault.

I love you my kitty.

The bolded ones are the ones I have done...

2008-07-06T16:11:00.000-07:00

1. Touched an iceberg
2. Slept under the stars
3. Been a part of a hockey fight
4. Changed a baby's diaper
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Swam with wild dolphins (but I swam with tame ones…)
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a tarantula
10. Said "I love you" and meant it
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long and watched the sun rise
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
20. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Bet on a winning horse
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb (I think a goat counts in this situation)
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Taken an ice cold bath
28. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Ridden a roller coaster
31. Hit a home run
32. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
33. Adopted an accent for fun
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Felt very happy about your life, even for just a moment
36. Loved your job 90% of the time
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Watched wild whales
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Gone on a midnight walk on the beach
41. Gone sky diving
42. Visited Ireland
43. Ever bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited India (I’d do just about anything to get there…)
45. Bench-pressed your own weight
46. Milked a cow (I’ve milked a goat, I think that should count…)
47. Alphabetized your personal files
48. Ever worn a superhero costume
49. Sung karaoke
50. Lounged around in bed all day
51. Gone scuba diving
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Done something you should regret, but don't
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Been in a movie
60. Gone without food for 3 days
61. Made cookies from scratch
62. Won first prize in a costume contest
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Been in a combat zone
65. Spoken more than one language fluently
66. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
67. Bounced a check
68. Read - and understood - your credit report
69. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy (Play dough baby!)
70. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
71. Called or written your Congress person
72. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
73. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
74. Helped an animal give birth
75. Been fired or laid off from a job
76. Won money
77. Broken a bone
78. Ridden a motorcycle
79. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100 mph
80. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
81. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
82. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
83. Eaten sushi
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read The Bible cover to cover
86. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
87. Gotten someone fired for their actions
88. Gone back to school
89. Changed your name
90. Caught a fly in the air with your bare hands
91. Eaten fried green tomatoes
92. Read The Iliad
93. Taught yourself an art from scratch
94. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
95. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
96. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
97. Been elected to public office
98. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
99. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
100. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
101. Had a booth at a street fair
102. Dyed your hair
103. Been a DJ
104. Rocked a baby to sleep
105. Ever dropped a cat from a high place to see if it really lands on all four
106. Raked your carpet
107. Brought out the best in people
108. Brought out the worst in people
109. Worn a mood ring
110. Ridden a horse
111. Carved an animal from a piece of wood or bar of soap
112. Cooked a dish where four people asked for the recipe
113. Buried a child
114. Gone to a Broadway play
115. Been inside the pyramids
116. Shot a basketball into a basket
117. Danced at a disco
118. Played in a band
119. Shot a bird
120. Gone to an arboretum
121. Tutored someone
122. Ridden a train
123. Brought an old fad back into style
124. Eaten caviar
125. Let a salesman talk you into something you didn’t need
126. Ridden a giraffe or elephant
127. Published a book
128. Pieced a quilt
129. Lived in an historic place
130. Acted in a play or performed on a stage
131. Asked for a raise
132. Made a hole-in-one (in mini-golf)
133. Gone deep sea fishing
134. Gone roller skating
135. Run a marathon
136. Learned to surf
137. Invented something
138. Flown first class
139. Spent the night in a 5-star luxury suite
140. Flown in a helicopter
141. Visited Africa
142. Sang a solo
143. Gone spelunking
144. Learned how to take a compliment
145. Written a love-story
146. Seen Michelangelo’s David
147. Had your portrait painted
148. Written a fan letter
149. Spent the night in something haunted
150. Owned a St. Bernard or Great Dane
151. Ran away
152. Learned to juggle
153. Been a boss
154. Sat on a jury
155. Lied about your weight
156. Gone on a diet
157. Found an arrowhead or a gold nugget
158. Written a poem
159. Carried your lunch in a lunchbox
160. Gotten food poisoning
161. Gone on a service, humanitarian or religious mission
162. Hiked the Grand Canyon
163. Sat on a park bench and fed the ducks
164. Gone to the opera
165. Gotten a letter from someone famous
166. Worn knickers
167. Ridden in a limousine
168. Attended the Olympics
169. Can hula or waltz
170. Read a half dozen Nancy Drew or Hardy Boys books
171. Been stuck in an elevator
172. Had a revelatory dream
173. Thought you might crash in an airplane
174. Had a song dedicated to you on the radio or at a concert
175. Saved someone’s life
176. Eaten raw whale
177. Know how to tat, smock or do needlepoint
178. Laughed till your side hurt
179. Straddled the equator
180. Taken a photograph of something other than people that is worth framing
181. Gone to a Shakespeare Festival
182. Sent a message in a bottle
183. Spent the night in a hostel
184. Been a cashier
185. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
186. Joined a union
187. Donated blood or plasma
188. Built a campfire
189. Kept a blog
190. Had hives
191. Worn custom made shoes or boots
192. Made a PowerPoint presentation
193. Taken a Hunter’s Safety Course
194. Served at a soup kitchen
195. Conquered the Rubik’s cube
196. Know CPR
197. Ridden in or owned a convertible
198. Found a long lost friend
199. Helped solve a crime
200. Responded to a NJP newsletter

Farm Girl

2008-07-03T16:57:00.000-07:00

Today I spent 8 hours on a farm, doing farm things with some of my family members. I happen to love the country. I think that the air is fresher and clearer. Today was a bright and hot summers day, and yet it was not sweltering (which I was very grateful for). There were some young calves- about 5 of them- that kept on mooing at me and my cousin. They were cute (and I don't even usually think that cows are cute but these were), but we have a sneaking suspicion that their future consists of the kitchen of a restaurant.

The farm was medium sized-a good few acres. There were tractors, trailers, trucks, shovels, gloves, knives, corn, watermelons, peas, potatoes, cucumbers, tomatoes, and a lot of dirty, sweaty people. We worked hard and it reminded me of my youth. It used to be rather routine for us to have to go and work on farms during the summer (not incredibly frequently, but frequently enough to where I knew how to drive a tractor and I'd have dirty fingernails from digging potatoes).

It was a fun day! I wouldn't want to make it my lively-hood, but sometimes it is nice to get outside and to connect with the earth. To work hard and to do things by the sweat of your brow. I cannot wait to eat some of those freshly grown cucumbers, to sink my teeth into a fresh cob of corn, or to taste some of those wonderful fresh peas! Dinner tomorrow will be delicious. I look forward to enjoying the fruits of my labors.

Beach Days

2008-06-30T07:09:00.001-07:00

I spent the past weekend at the beach. I really had a blast. We left early on Friday morning and got there Friday afternoon. We spent all day at the beach until I was sure that both my skin and my throat hated me (my skin because of the sun and my throat because of all the salt water). Then we went and checked into the hotel room that we were sharing with some other people. There were 5 of us total and with only one bed and one pull-out couch which makes for some interesting sleeping and showering arrangements. The people we were staying in there with were way cool. We joked around and all got dinner together that night. Afterwards we got our grooves on like Emperor Kuzco and went dancing.

The next day we were up and at-em and over at the beach again before we knew it! The ocean was amazingly fun. There were high winds which caused the waves to be pretty sweet. Me and a few others swam a good ways away from the shore and just floated out there and enjoyed the waves for near about 1/2 an hour. My legs were SO sore afterwards because I had to keep swimming due to my inability to touch the ground, but it was a ton of fun! Afterwards we rested and just laid out for a while and enjoyed the sun on our backs.

This might sound weird- but I've always had an affinity for the water. I love how it feels to have water all around me and to just let my body relax in it. It is very freeing in a way. And oh, how I adore the feeling of the sun on my skin. Yes, I am paying for it now because I've found that the sun also causes this odd smarting redness to appear- but I wouldn't have it any other way. Feeling the warmth from the sun, feeling the rays encompass you and dry you, it is marvelous.

Can I just mention again how wonderful and beautiful the beach is? No offense to all those mountain lovers- but I would take the beach over those large, dry, rocky mountains any day. But I'm glad that not everyone feels the same way about the beach as I do because that just means that the beaches of the world will not get too crowded and I'll be able to continue enjoying myself with the sun, salty air, endless water, and the fine sand.

On Today's News

2008-06-25T19:36:00.000-07:00

In other news...

Today it was announced that our city's water supply was contaminated. Therefore a 48 hour band was put on drinking any of the city's water. What does this mean? It means that all the restaurants in town have shut down, that we cannot wash our hands or take showers using the water from the facet, and that the dishes in the sink: will be staying in the sink. Apparently there is a strain of e-coli in some of the samples of water around town. They think that they have flushed it out but they still do not want anyone using the tap water until they are sure. I think I'll pass on mowing the lawn tomorrow seeing as I wouldn't be able to shower afterwards unless I bought a whole bunch of Aquafina and poured it into the tub...

A bit scary huh?

How the south and Provo differ: Items 1-10

2008-06-24T20:24:00.001-07:00

This is a post dedicated to the differences between my hometown and Provo!

In MY hometown:

1. It is considered rude if you do not tack on "ma'am" or "sir" to the end of just about everything you say when talking to someone/anyone older than you.
2. If it is 75 degrees outside and the sun is shining, then you will be sweating and your shirt will be sticking to your back. That's humidity for you.
3. You cannot get through the checkout line in the grocery store without giving a mini-life story to the clerk who is ringing you up. Because the clerk actually asked you to give it to them.
4. You can walk into any particular church and be saved on the spot- just as a backup, just in case.
5. People take off their shoes when they go inside. Not because they don't want to get things dirty- but because they were trained to do so.
6. You see people sitting on their front porches as you ride around the downtown neighborhoods, they are just sitting there for long periods of time-sometimes all day long. Sometimes they are affectionately called "porch monkeys."
7. BBQ is when pork is cooked a specific way, NOT when you are cooking on the grill. Hamburgers or hot dogs are called "grilled food" or is when you are having a "cook-out."
8. When you meet someone with the same last name as yourself, you immediately go through your family history and can figure out exactly how you are related-- BUT no matter how you are related, you will still call them your cousin/brother/sister/aunt/uncle. Even if they are your 4th cousin twice removed on your mother's side.
9. When shopping for clothes you will get 4 opinions on what you are trying on from nearby people.
10. The missionaries have a hard time getting people to come to the LDS church because they always play the drums at their own church and can't let the people down. But they really do believe...

Jumping and maybe falling.

2008-06-24T20:06:00.000-07:00

Because that's what people do. They leap, and hope they can fly, because otherwise you just drop like a rock, wondering the whole way down, why on earth did I jump?

I'm thinking about jumping. Not off a building! I promise! But jumping into and onto something else entirely. I'm nervous. If I fall then undoubtedly I'll wonder why I did such a foolish thing. But then, there are the sweet and sublime times when you fly, or at least glide, after that jump. Aren't those times worth a thousand of the times that you crashed and burned? You feel the air in your hair, the sun in your face, and you feel alive. I live for those jumps when I really feel the urge. Right now I just have to figure out if the urge is strong enough!

Coming to an end.

2008-06-17T10:21:00.000-07:00

The BYU Spring Semester is coming to a close! It has been an extremely busy semester due to some rigorous classes and working full time. But I'm excited because after this week it means that I will not be back in classes at least until September. Today I'm preparing for finals and for leaving. That is right: I'm leaving the state. I have several stops ahead of me, all of which will be on the East coast and an appropriate break from my life as of the past 6 months or so. I'm really looking forward to it.

At the same time I find it a bit sad that my time in Provo (for the time being) is ending. I'm leaving several friends who are getting married, some who will be graduating and will not be here when I get back, and some who I simply will miss terribly. It is amazing how attached you get to your friends. Also, my dating life had finally picked up and now I'm leaving. Figures right? Oh well. Thoughts of what the summer holds for me overwhelmingly takes precedence over anything that is going on in Provo right now. I need to be with my family for a while, I need to see old friends and think about old times, and I need to see a few new places and experience a few new things.

Smiles

2008-06-07T07:12:00.001-07:00

I still do silly things, I still have hard things happen to me, I still say things I dearly wish I could take back, and I still don't understand why some people do the things they do.

However, I'm smiling today. The sun is out, I will have the pleasure of playing "photographer" this morning with a beautiful family, this evening I'm going to my 8 year old cousin's birthday party, and last night I went on a date with a handsome, sweet, and extremely considerate man.

Today, I am smiling.

Making music.

2008-06-01T19:56:00.000-07:00

I bought a few new shirts the other day. I wore one today and someone told me that it made my eyes the most beautiful shade of blue. I like compliments. :-)

But then he also threw in that I had sad eyes and asked me why. That last bit took the joy out of the compliment a little.

I have also acquired a new musical instrument! I am teaching myself how to play it and it excites me. It is kinda funny because youtube is teaching me how to play it. There are many youtube videos that show me how to tune it and play it. Youtube makes me happy. The hardest part is making sure I get the rhythm correct. So maybe one of these days I'll figure out how to do sound clips and I'll let you all hear me serenade no one in particular with a glorious song. Or maybe I'll pretend I'm serenading the person who caused my sad eyes...

Also, I have a test on Tuesday. I feel utterly unprepared and judging by my score on the last homework assignment-I really am utterly unprepared. I guess that means that I'll not be enjoying the next few days. *Sigh* I'd so rather play with my new instrument.

Pick It Up

2008-05-30T08:54:00.001-07:00

Confession time? I'm completely addicted to the song "Pick It Up" by Fergie. And by addicted I mean that I have it on repeat and I listen to it over and over while I walk from home to work and from work to home. I even place my iPod on my desk and listen to it quietly in the background while AT work. It is a good one- very mellow, catchy, and expressive.

The other song I've been addicted to is the song "Cinderella" by Steven Cutris Chapman. It made me cry the other night when I first heard it. I put on an old home movie that I have of me and my dad and sister all dancing in the living room one Christmas eve when we were little. I've decided that at my wedding reception I want to dance to it with my daddy. I love my daddy. If you are female and love your daddy, then maybe you should listen to it too.

For some reason I've been in a bit of a blogging mood lately. I'm not sure why the sudden change occurred. Generally I would find myself posting maybe once a week, usually more like once or twice a month. I guess I have a lot to say these days, and I feel like a blog is a great place to get it out. I've had time to think and due to things in my life--I have had a lot on my mind.

I've been thinking about how incredible it is that even with all of the communication we have at our finger tips-there are still so many miscommunications. You say something, then it is taken out of context or changed just a little and suddenly it is as if you said something completely different. Then, people form opinions and base assumptions on things that they were told (which may or may not be the correct thing). I've been a victim of it and I've participated in it. Sometimes I wish we could do away with the internet (with MSN and G-Chat), that all the local numbers suddenly wouldn't work, that Facebook and Myspace would shut down, and that everyone was forced to actually to communicate face to face with people.

Sometimes it is frustrating how well you can hide what is really going on because of technology. People can't tell how you really are or what you really mean when they aren't there. There is no body language to read. I know that I hide behind technology all the time. I shouldn't, but I do. I blame the world- it has indoctrinated me with this corrupt form of communication. And yet, even as I sit here and bash phone and e-mails- sometimes I feel just like Fergie and there is someone I wish would just pick up the phone and call and talk to me. Because it would mean the world to me.

Warmth

2008-05-29T22:30:00.001-07:00

Summer time is in the air. It brings with it the smell of flowers, the bright warmth of the sun, and the bustling sound of EFY children on BYU campus. I like the summer time, it brings with it a renewing factor that is found only seldomly during other times of the year. It makes you feel more willing and wanting to make new resolutions, to try new things, to be more active and social, and to make those changes in your life that you've known you should make since New Years but have been putting off. It is a time to be outside, to explore new places, to buy new clothes, and to make good of the phrase "out with the old and in with the new!"

As I've been contemplating the things I'd like to do this summer I feel up lifted by the very strands of light that carry sunshine to this earth. I feel invincible, I feel hopeful. At least, I feel that way until something in my life pulls me, unwillingly, back down from the clouds and right smack into the dirt.

This happens especially at night. For at night there is nothing to protect us from the cold and stark truths. If you want to see things as they really are, then just take a peak inside your mind after the sun has gone down and you are left to play those harsh and disconsonant songs inside your head-over and over.

Why do annoying and unpleasing things happen to relatively good people? Because they do. They just do. And there isn't a darn thing that is about to change about that pattern of human existence, so you might as well accept it now.

However, tomorrow morning the sunlight will hit my window pane. It will slowly warm the window, then the glass, and then the warmth will creep inside my bedroom and miraculously warm every inch of my room and of me. Reaching to the depths of my mind and heart, it will turn that cold song into a sweet and melodious tune that will be stuck in my head all day long. God bless the sun and please never let it permanently slip away.

If you understand this strange blog post and the slight metaphor behind it, then can I get an AMEN? If not, then just wait and I'll post something else soon.

Quote of the Evening:

2008-05-29T22:27:00.000-07:00

Person 1: What if you were Sleeping Beauty and your Prince Charming was a bad kisser?

Person 2: You mean like wet and sloppy?

Person 1: Ooooo yeah, almost dog like.

Person 2: I'd roll over, go back to sleep, and hope really hard that he'd go away and another one would come.

Person 1: Yeah, me too.

Because he threatened me with rain when I wanted it fine.

2008-05-26T11:40:00.000-07:00

I'll go ahead and say it: I'm a family person. I'm a "my family" person. At some point in the future I hope to live only a number of hours (or less) away from my immediate family (mom, dad, sisters). I love my family a lot. We have so many secrets together, so many inside jokes. Most of us have the same sense of humor. We can all sit around and just chat about random and hilarious things. We have an uncounted number of traditions and just quirks that other people don't get. We just all get each other. Everything from "secret family business" to wrestling around with our dad on the floor as we fight over who gets the most pillows in the living room. We have things that we do on holidays, on weekdays, on Sundays, on Saturdays -routines and traditions. Lately I've been missing my family a good deal if you can't tell.

Today is Memorial Day. Instead of honoring the dead like I should be, I'm spending the day wishing the weather was nice and missing my family terribly. I remember Memorial Days growing up: we'd either have a get-together at our house or we'd get invited to one at some of our kin-folk's places. The get-togethers were wonderful. They would either involved burgers and hot dogs or they would involve almost an entire pig on a large grill. There would be lots of family, food, perhaps a pool, and a mix of people (both old and young). The old people corner you and force you to repeat your life's story while the young people tease you and joke around with you. Those were the days.

I get to go home in about a month to be with my family for a while. I can't even tell you how excited I am! But for now, I'm in Provo, on Memorial Day, and it is raining. I can't believe that on my ONE day that I can do just about anything I want to do-it is raining. Why do I hate the weather? Because he threatened me with rain when I wanted it fine. (Who can name that movie?) I'm sure the skies will clear up soon enough, but by then I'll be back at work-pushing papers and dealing with angry customers.

Silly rain.

Disney Rap

2008-05-23T23:19:00.000-07:00

A special shout out to the following Disney movies for making my rap possible:

Little Mermaid
Cinderella
Beauty and the Best
Snow White
Sleeping Beauty
Aladdin
Tarzan

Dear folks, a friend dared me to make up and preform a rap with lyrics based off of different classic Disney movies. What? You didn't know that I rap? Oh, my friends, you have so much to learn about me. Well-a dare is a dare, so I've done it. And I've written it down and posted it for your joy and entertainment. I hope you pick up on all of the different cues and jokes.

I’ve heard the tale that they say is as old as time,
And they keep telling me it’s as true as it can be,
That some day my Prince will come and sweep me off my feet!

They tell you that if you have faith in your dreams,
That your multi-colored rainbow will come shining through,
And that the one you love will come and find you.

I’ve been waiting for a good while,
And I don’t know if it’s just me,
But my prince must be waiting to be discovered until chapter three!

I mean, look at my life- isn’t it neat?
Wouldn’t you just think that it all was complete?
I’d have to say I’m a girl who’s got just about everything.

Yet somehow I find myself wanting and dreaming of more,
(Yes, I know it’s true that visions are seldom what they seem,)
But where is that prince that’s been dancing with me in my dreams?

I’m not looking for the one who’ll love me all at once,
I don’t need it to be just like in my dreams,
I just need the one who ain’t never had a friend like me.

He could be coarse and a little unrefined,
But I’ll keep looking for all that stuff that is inside,
It’ll have me wondering why I didn’t see it there before.

Then one day, when we’re real great friends,
He’ll see me across the boat and get that urge,
And he won’t know why but he’ll be dying to kiss this girl.

Then I’ll shout with joy and be filled with glee,
And I can’t even say how happy I’ll be,
That that friend, that boy has made me part of his world.

It sounds like 500,000,000,000 times better when it is being rapped. Believe you me.

Proposals

2008-05-23T22:34:00.000-07:00

I took this picture. I have since decided that this would be the second most perfect place to be proposed to. So guys who might be thinking about that sort of thing in the near future-- get to work on that.

Windows

2008-05-23T22:27:00.000-07:00

There comes a moment in your life- like a window,
And you see your future there before you,
And how perfect life can be,
But adventure calls- with unknown longings that are pulling you away,
Be careful or you may regret,
The choice you make someday.

It is a weird feeling to realize that your life is headed where you always imagined it would be going and yet this no longer seems to be what you want. When I was 18, I had a vision of where I wanted to be and what I wanted to do. I saw how happy I would be and how awesome everything would be in my life. Somewhere along the way, that desire changed. But if you take another road, another path, will you regret it someday?

I don't know. WeIrD.

My boss sent me the COOLEST story. I love elephants.

2008-05-21T19:17:00.000-07:00

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University . On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.

Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter's legs and slammed him against the railing- killing him instantly.

It probably wasn't the same elephant.

This is for all those people who send me those heart-warming stories.

My Day Off

2008-05-16T06:16:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you just need a break from life. Today I needed my break. So I'm taking it. I called into work today to let them know that I wasn't feeling well (which I'm not: I'm tired, sore, and stressed) and that I wouldn't be able to make it in to work. Then I made a judicial decision that I could stand to miss one day of class. So today I'm being a bum. I have every intention of cleaning my room, getting the kitchen clean, I'm going to do my laundry, I'm taking the longest shower in the history of man-kind, and I'm painting my toe nails. Perhaps I'll even dink around a bit on my guitar or turn on my favorite musical and belt the words to the songs at the top of my lungs.

Now I suppose that someone out there might be thinking, "What on earth kind of *day off* is that girl talking about?" You might think that it seems rather lame to plan a day off so that I can clean and shower. Eh, who cares what you all think. I'm excited. Not only that, but it also means that tomorrow I'll be able to do whatever I want. I won't have to worry about getting my apartment clean or paying bills or making phone calls like I would otherwise. I can take care of all that stuff today. My day off is going to be a great day, I can feel it.

A Hurting Heart

2008-05-12T05:03:00.000-07:00

It was announced to me last night by a well-intentioned friend that my ex-fiancé is involved in his first serious relationship since him and I were engaged. The result was a response I neither expected or wanted. I felt like a bullet had been shot through my heart. My eyes immediately welled with tears. My breathing turned shallow and I had to force myself to take deep breaths so that I wouldn't completely hyperventilate. I couldn't stand being at home anymore so I called a friend and practically sprinted to her place in my shorts, T-shirt, and with a box of tissues. I used over half of a brand new box of tissues. My friend managed to calm me down but when I was finally alone in my room again, I just curled up in a ball in my bed and cried myself to sleep.

Everything reminds me of that boy. He was my first love, he was the only boy with whom I had ever been serious enough to contemplate marriage. We dated for over a year and then on-again, off-again a few times since then. I can honestly say that I've never loved someone the way I loved him. Sitting here, I can remember everything about him. And I hate it. I hate that everything within me screams that I now immediately hate this girl that he is dating. Thanks to cursed Facebook I now know anything I ever wanted to know about her. That she is perfect. That she is beautiful. That she sings and acts in plays. There are even pictures of the two, looking oh so happy, with his arms around her. I feel like those arms wrapped around her still belong to me. His heart was mine and she has no right to take it.

Yes, I realize how utterly ridiculous these feelings are but they are there anyway. I can tell myself that I'm not being logical, but my heart and emotions don't care. I haven't had any actually serious relationships since him, not ones that would have or could have actually worked out. And thinking back on him--it is so blasted hard to see why I do not marry that boy. He's an amazing man. He loved me more than I deserved to be loved. He would have done anything for me. My knowledge of his love for me was absolutely perfect. And now my heart feels like his has shattered into pieces as I realize that he is likely feeling that way about someone else now.

I'm going to the store this afternoon. I'm getting bacon, Mt. Dew, and chocolate. Then I'm going to sit in my PJs and watch every sappy love movie I own and just cry. That's all I want to do anyway is cry. I hate my life right now. I hate that he has found someone else. I hate that the man I loved now loves (or strongly cares about) someone else. I hate her even though she looks very sweet and so completely perfect. I just want this all to go away and I want my heart to stop hurting like it does. It doesn't make sense. I made the decision, I decided not to spend the rest of eternity with him--so why do I suddenly regret it so much?

Meetings at the Grocery Store

2008-05-10T12:06:00.000-07:00

I will now commence to tell you what happened today at the grocery store.

So I'm at the grocery store, Macy's actually, because it is close to where I live and they usually have pretty good deals. I'm just picking up a few things so I have one of those little purple baskets. At my first stop, over near the fresh produce, I notice an attractive guy. Tall, dark hair, and very manly looking. Over at the mushrooms, me and the attractive man bump into each other. I say excuse me and move on. Then over at the tomatoes, we bump into each other again! This time we laugh and make a little small talk. Absurdly, we again bump into each other over by the cucumbers. By this time it is getting a little awkward, so we banter a little bit about us being like magnets and then depart from one another.

I go about 3 minutes without seeing him and then lo and behold I accidentally hit him with my basket as I'm reaching for some tortillas. This time we actually stop and chat a little bit. I laugh, he smiles. He has a cute grin. I see him again as I'm getting sandwich meat, then over by the eggs, and again as I'm getting milk. Finally I laugh and exclaim, "I don't know if you're following me or if I'm following you!"

Finally my shopping is done and I feel well prepared for the coming week, food-wise at least. So I head over to the check out line and as luck would have it- the shortest line is the line that the funny man had just stepped into. I go and stand behind him, having to immediately defend my decision by pointing out that it is the shortest line. When his items are being rung up, I finally notice that he is buying a bouquet of flowers. Of course I immediately realize that this means he is likely dating someone. But he is still a nice guy, so I continue our conversation by saying, "Aww! Are you buying Mother's Day flowers for someone?"

He smiles and informs me that they are for his mom! (My smile widens.) He asks if I'll be getting any flowers and I tell him that I don't qualify for Mother's Day gifts yet.
We both laugh.

He starts to walk away as the clerk rings up my first items, but then he turns back. He pulls a flower out of the bouquet and hands it to me. "I think you'll make a great mother someday."

My jaw drops.

Then he grins, that adorable grin, and winks at me. "Maybe even for my future kids? So do you think I could have your number?"

I dare not say a word for fear that I'll either yell at him for the stupidity of that line or laugh so hard that I won't be able to fulfill his request. With my mouth wide open and without saying a word, I quickly scribble down my name and number on the back of his receipt. He laughs at the expression on my face and turns and walks away.

That ties for both the worst and best pick up line in the history of pick up lines.

Women's Conference At BYU

2008-05-04T06:22:00.000-07:00

Generally I'm not a hater of the different conferences that go on at BYU Campus. It is fun to see the various people walking around, sightseeing. Also, since these conferences are almost always during the Spring/Summer time- it means that the campus is beautiful when they are around. This causes happy "weather-related" memories and so I tolerate their existence very cheerfully. However, the past few days I helped several of those women due to my job and let me tell you- it was not a happy thing. Aren't women at Women's Conference suppose to be happy and cheerful creatures? One would think this, but alas, this is not so. Many of the women I dealt with were pushy, demanding, and downright rude. What is this world coming to? Where you cannot even expect kindness from mothers and older women who are at a spiritual retreat? I was most disillusioned.

Just another reason for me to want to move back to the South in a hurry. People aren't LDS down there but they are much friendlier than people in other parts of the United States.

Just an update...

2008-04-27T07:20:00.000-07:00

I officially feel like I've lost about 65% of my group of friends here in Provo. If not to the simple fact that people are leaving to go home, then to the fact that many of my friends graduated this semester and have left for bigger and better things. Pah. Like something could be better than attending school around here? It is a weird feeling to go through your phone list to see who you can call upon for some entertainment only to find that most of the people on your list are no longer in the vicinity. (Of course this is assuming that "weird" can be equated with words like annoying, sad, heart-wrenching, or frustrating.

This morning I'm sitting in my living room. Looking around at my apartment and taking the solitude quite cheerfully. Both of my roommates are gone and this has left me in a nice-sized condo all by my lonesome. I thought that the silence would drive me mad, but it has not. After they were both gone I set myself to cleaning up some of their messes (for they are not the cleanest roommates) and then I put everything (the kitchen, the bathroom, the temperature, the windows) just the way that I like them. So now I'm enjoying the peacefulness of my empty apartment. Knowing that my house is not going to be invaded by a hoard of heathens that my roommates bring in and then leave here for hours and hours. This is my domain, and it shall remain just the way I like it--for at least another week or so (until my roommates get back).

Also, I managed to sprain my ankle. For those who know me, this is not an unusual thing. I have rather weak ankles and so it is not uncommon for people to see me walking with a slight limp as I go. The sprains are usually minimal and do not affect me very much, they just make my ankle heckava sore for a few days. I just usually laugh it off and use it to show how clumsy I can be. This time I've actually had to wrap it up and stay off of it as much as possible. I'm hoping that it'll be feeling better by Monday (as I will need to walk to work). So I'm taking anti-inflammatory meds in hopes that they will help take down some of the swelling. If anyone has the urge to drive or carry me around--it would be most appreciated. Ha! Finding me a golf cart to ride around in would be even more amazing!

Soundtrack To My Life: (Apparently)

2008-04-20T19:51:00.001-07:00

How to do it:
1. Open your music library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc).
2. Put it on Shuffle.
3. Press Play.
4. For every question, type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button.
6. Be honest.

Opening Credits: Hawaiian Roller Coaster Ride (From Lilo and Stitch)

Waking up: Grace Kelly (By MIKA)

First Day of School: Meant to Live (By Switchfoot)

Falling in love: My Happy Ending (By Avril Lavigne)--I SWEAR, that is the one that came up.

Fight Song: Lose Control (By Missy Elliot)

Breaking Up: The Way You Look Tonight (By Frank Sinatra)

Prom: Poetic Tragedy (By The Used)

Life is Good: Summer Sunshine (By The Corrs)

Driving: Bohemian Rhapsody (By Queen)

Mental Breakdown: Kickstart My Heart (By Motley Crue)

Flashback: Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham (Off a soundtrack for the very movie...)

Getting Back Together: Girl Can't Help It (By Journey)

Wedding: Backfield in Motion (By Tim and Mel)

Final Battle: Never Enough (By Holiday Parade)

Death Scene: Check Yes Juliet (By We The Kings)

Funeral Song: Ever Ever After (By Carrie Underwood)

End Credit: I Fought The Law (By Green Day)

Never Again

2008-03-22T20:26:00.000-07:00

The Intent? So a few days ago I decided that I would try my hand at cutting my own hair. I just wanted a trim. Nothing major. I wanted to make my bangs a bit shorter and just give an all around trim. The Process? What started out as a simple project soon became a bona-fide disaster. I tried to trim the sweeping bangs that come across the left side of my face so that the shortest ones were about nose length. Then I tried to blend that length with the length of the rest of the hair on that side of my face. I soon figured out that I had tried to angle too narrowly and that this was not going to work well. There was a huge gap between where my hair was angled and the rest of my hair. In order to remedy this I attempted to take a tich of length off so that the gap would be less noticeable.

The result? I accidentally ended up taking off about 4 inches of my beautiful hair. The lengths were uneven. The gap in the front still existed. And my hair looked choppy.

The remedy? A professional hair cut. I went in a few day ago and had to get it done professionally. The woman who did my hair asked me what on earth had happened She said that it looked very blunt, uneven, and downright awful. She even looked slightly horrified that someone had attempted to do my hair so unprofessionally. When she asked what happened, I mumbled something unintelligible so that she wouldn't realize that this disaster was my fault.

End result? A haircut much shorter than I wanted. However, it is a freaking sweet haircut. I love it a lot. I've got lots of layers, tons of angling around my face, and the like! The only problem is that the nature of the haircut makes it necessary to actually "do" something with my hair. So now I get to get up in the mornings and either curl or straighten my hair. Fun fun fun. An extra 10 minutes I need to get up in the morning.

However, it really is a pretty hair cut. I like it. BUT I will never, ever, NEVER try to cut my own hair again.

Officially Spring

2008-03-20T08:43:00.001-07:00

I have lots of random thoughts today. So just read and stay with me or give up and go read the 100 Hour Board ok?

First: Promises Guys Must Keep.
There are a few things that, if a male tells a female he will do, he really should do.
1."I'll call you soon."
2. "I'll take care of it."
3. "We should go there."
4. "I'll be there at seven."
Any variations of these things must be kept as well. It makes us women so much happier.

Second: Musings About The Weather.
I love it when it is warm outside. Sometimes I wonder if I get mild bouts of "seasonal depression" because I am so much noticeably happier when the weather outside is beautiful. The other day I just went and sat in the park under the sun. I listened to the wonderful sound of the water and the quiet quacking of the ducks. Today is the first OFFICIAL day of spring and we are greeted by rain and high winds. However, this weekend is suppose to be beautiful and I am truly excited for it. I'm thinking a Sunday Easter Picnic maybe? I do love Easter.

Third: When you lose something you can't replace.
Life is hard. Life is harder when you lose something that you can never get back. Not to rip off the title of Yellow's blog a while back. When you lose something that you can never get back-when it is like a piece of you has gone missing. It torments your soul. It consumes your mind for a time. It occupies your mind, your heart, your dreams even. I have lost something that I cannot get back. I'm coping well, but I still mourn. I had always read the line "my heart literally hurt." I had always thought that this was a statement that was just meant to exemplify how much something had hurt. However, in the past little bit- my heart has literally hurt. When you are in anguish that literally leaves you with an ache in your chest. I'll cope, I'll move on, I am already beginning to. It just hurts. Probably more because it cannot be replaced.

Fourth: Holi is Coming.
The Festival of Colors is on March 29th. I have rearranged work schedules, canceled plans/dates, and moved Heaven and earth to be able to make sure that my entire schedule is cleared for this! I touch the stars for no one! (50 thousand bonus points if you can name that quote!) I hope that everyone else is planning on coming as well. It is going to be amazing! I intend to get there early and stay until I'm a walking zombie. If you want to read more about it then check out here! You'll like it. If not then track me down and I'll make you cheesecake or cookies or something.

Fifth: School.
School is not happy with me this semester. I really feel like I should be on top of things and making straight A's. I even feel like I've been doing a lot of school work. However, school keeps interfering with things in my personal life that I really need to take care of and my needy personal life keeps on taking me away from school. What a vicious, vicious cycle.

Ok, I'll write more later. I'm tried and have work to get done. Part of that vicious cycle.

Ode to my evening.

2008-03-05T00:11:00.000-08:00

Dear wonderful man who I went on a date with last night,

Even though it was a first date I thought that we hit it off astronomically well. I cannot remember the last time I felt as though I connected with someone so quickly. As soon as I saw you I identified you as being handsome. I could tell from how you acted that you found me to be attractive as well. Your light touches on my shoulder, your teasing. This was just another fact that should have brought us together.

We talked. At first it was just superficial talk. Where are you from? What are you studying? However, the conversation flowed like the waters of a gentle stream. Gentle like your voice, like your sweet words. Soon we were discussing our hopes, our desires, and the deeper things of life. The lulls weren’t lulls. There was no awkwardness. Just sincere conversation. Oh and how you made me laugh. Every few minutes you’d say something cute, hilarious, or outrageous and I’d bursts into giggles. But you’d laugh too. And I so very much loved the sound of your laughter.

Even your habits were adorable. Every swish of your longer hair. How you would get that somber look on your face when you were really thinking about something that I asked you. I loved it all. You made it clear that you enjoyed my little tendencies as well. You commented on how you liked how I bit the corner of my lip. How I got a mischievous look on my face when I was about to do something silly. You seemed to love it all.

When the date was almost over the fault came out. I knew that this was going too well. Surely fate wasn’t going to play nice after everything else it has dealt me. This date had sent fireworks through every part of my brain, telling me that it was possible that you were slightly perfect for me. I liked everything I heard about you and wanted nothing more than for you to ask me out again for the next night. But the flaw. The one, big, glaring flaw. Flashing like a stop light on a pitch black night.

Your heart was not your own. You had already given it to someone. When the conversation turned, only in the last 20 minutes of our conversation, to the girl who had just recently broke your heart it became apparent that you were still in love. I cannot contest with love. You are not in the position to start again to give your heart to someone other than this girl who still occupies your mind and soul. So it is with deep regret that I realize that you are not there for the taking. I cannot have you. We enjoyed our time together—but don’t worry, I don’t expect you to call.

A heart that is not there must be recovered before anything can happen. Honestly, I don’t know when that’ll be, although from the sounds of last night it will take a while. Maybe you’ll get back together with this woman you love, but maybe you will not. Either way, know that you left a lasting impression on my mind. Even though you are clearly (and sadly) not destined to be mine.

~Krishna

When you need someone...

2008-03-02T19:11:00.001-08:00

Here is a comprehensive list of things that you get when you start to depend on people:
(The things on this list are not overly pleasant due to the fact that depending on other people is ALWAYS a let down... no matter what the movies say.

1. You get a false sense of security due to the fact that you *think* that they'll be there for you, when in reality they will not be.
2. You get restless nights where you wonder why that person is not there, especially when only a short while ago they had been there for you frequently.
3. You have many bottled-up emotions because you have become accustomed to confiding in them and no longer have the luxury to do that because they are not there like they were.
4. You have the disappointment of wishing they'd call without you having to bug them, but they don't call, ever.
5. You have the resentment because they didn't tell you that suddenly they were going to stop being there for you so you had no time to prepare.
6. You have the painful process of trying to find someone else who can be there for you. This process is neither fun nor quick. You wouldn't have to go through this process if the people you depended on would actually BE THERE.
7. You have the feelings of withdrawal because you are accustomed to that person's company and suddenly that support is gone.
8. You have the feelings of paranoia as you wonder if you did something that drove them away. But you'll never know because they have officially become undependable and you don't want to tell them anything anymore.
9. You have the nights where you need that person, and you pick up your phone, dial the number, but then put it back down because you don't want to be one of those clingy and annoying people who don't know how to take a hint.
10. You have the tear(s) you shed as you realize that you have one less friend than you thought you had.

Depending on people is always going to be a freaking let-down.

Hodge Podge

2008-02-23T07:49:00.000-08:00

I posted the Valentine's Day post down there so that everyone would be a little bit caught it. LoL That was just such a great day for me. So this post is going to talk about 2 things that are on my mind this morning.

First: I have a strange quirk when it comes to my cheese. I'm a big fan of block cheese (specifically Colby Jack cheese), but many times for sandwiches and toast I will just get Kraft Singles. I've never even really paid attention to my cheese habits, but recently while making a sandwich my friend pointed out that I always tear off the corners of the cheese so that my cheese is in the shape of a stop sign. Thinking back I realized that this is something that I do just about every time I eat a slice of cheese. Random thing to blog about, but it really was something that I had never really thought about before. After I started thinking about I think that I have lots of strange little quirks. My poor future husband...

Second: I'm feeling really excited because I'm finally figuring out what I want! For the past few weeks I've been feeling a little funky because I had some choices and I couldn't figure out what action to take. So not only am I more able now to figure out what course of action to take but I'm starting to get up the courage to really *do* the things that I've decided on. I know this sounds all vague and nebulous, but it is going to make my life a lot less complicated in the coming days/weeks! Fun right?

So keep reading the 100 Hour Board and figure out what you'd like out of life (or at least certain aspects of your life).

Valentine's Day

2008-02-23T07:18:00.000-08:00

Here is an internet representation of what I received on Valentine's Day while I was at work:
(It was a great day!)

I received all of these flowers from different people and while I was at work. It made me feel incredibly special and it made my day excellent! It was getting just a little bit rediculous having to carry them around to my classes after work though.

Later that night I received the following (each stuffed animal came from a different guy too):

Again, it was a great day. :-) I think every day should be Valentine's Day.
*Note that these are not the actual pictures of things I received but are VERY CLOSE internet representations of them. Heh, great day.

50 Random Questions

2008-02-14T14:50:00.000-08:00

I got this from a friend...

1. Do you like blue cheese?
It is moldy! That is a strike against it and I've never even tasted it!

2. Have you ever been to Yellowstone Park ?
Nope! A good few other national parks: yes!

3. Do you own a gun?
Nope, but one of these days I'll get one.

4. What are your favorite songs?
Tooo many!

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
No, I get defensive and angry.

6. What do you think about hot dogs?
Yummy summer time cook out food.

7. Favorite Christmas song?
"The Kid In Me" By Donny Osmond.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Milk, in my cereal.

9. Can you do push ups?
A few.

10. What are you listening to right now?
The TV in the background.

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
My CTR ring and my heart necklace.

12. Favorite hobby?
Writing for the Board.

13. Secret weapon to get the opposite sex?
My giggle.

14. Do you have ADD?
Not really. But sometimes I do have a short attention span.

15. What one trait do you hate about yourself
Sometimes I hate my bluntness/obviousness.

16. What's your middle name? None ya.

17. Name 3 thoughts you are thinking at this exact moment...

Is he the right one for me?
This couch is so comfortable.
Who sent me those flowers?

18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday

Lunch
Posterboard
A bag of candy for Valentine's Day

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink.

Water
Vitamin Water
Milk

20. Current worry right now?
Getting sick again.

21. Current hate right now
Cold viruses and the flu.

22. Favorite place to be?
Inside the arms of someone I love.

23. What did you do to bring in the New Year?
I went to a crazy dance party.

24. Where would you like to go?
India of course.

25. Name three people who will complete this?
Who cares! I'm enjoying it.

26. Do you own slippers?
Yup! Black fuzzy ones.

27. What shirt are you wearing?

A red button down shirt. Very chic...

28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?

Um, I can't say that I ever have. When I get married though I'm buying 600 thread count sheets! Ummm, they feel good!

29. Can you whistle?
Sure can!

30. Favorite color?
Green.

31. Would you be a pirate?
Heck yes! And a fearsome one at that!

32. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Disney songs!

33. Favorite girl's name?
Arianna Nicole

34. Favorite boy's name?
Christian Matthew

35. What's in your pocket right now?
My flash drive. I love that handy little thing.

36. What made you laugh last?
My roommate, she had her fingers in her ears trying to pop them.

37. Best bed sheets as a child?
My mom believed in cream and white colors. I don't remember before that.

38. Worst injury you've ever had?
Either when I broke my leg or when I busted my chin wide open.

39. Do you love where you live?
Yup! Great place. Been here 3 years!

40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
One, well I suppose technically two, but one is my roommate's and is in her room.

41. Who is your loudest friend?
Probably my musically talented friend. She likes to be HEARD! I love her...

42. How many dogs do you have?
I had one, once, when I was little. Her name was Ling Ling.

43. Does someone have a crush on you?
Yup, judging by the Valentine's flowers I'd say a good few people do.

44. What would you do if you hit a deer while driving?
Pull over, shoot the deer (and take it home), call my dad, call my insurance agent.

45. What is your favorite book?
The Giver

46. What is your favorite candy?
Chocolate. Chocolate with caramel. Chocolate with nuts.

47. Favorite Sports Team?
BYU Ice Hockey is currently my favorite.

48. What songs do you want sung/played at your funeral?
Probably church music. Seems rather traditional! I like traditional.

49. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
Um, secretive Valentine's Day stuff.

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
Why is my alarm going off 5 hours early? I should get a new one...

Everything's Right.

2008-02-09T13:45:00.000-08:00

Smiles light up as we walk in
Old conversations begin again
Nostalgia's thick as the August air
It takes us back to a time when we didn't care.

It is just one of those days where I feel happy. I love these days. I'm listening to my "happy" music. You know, the music with a soft, quick beat. The music with happy lyrics that make you feel good inside. It is the type of music where you lean your head back and run your fingers through your hair with an illuminating smile on your face. I don't feel nervous, I don't feel anxious, I don't feel in a hurry. The light is off and I'm using the natural light from outside to brighten my work space. I feel good. I thank God for giving me such a wonderful day.

I'm contemplating doing my school work. There are a few things that it would be beneficial for me to work on. What I'd rather do is take my camera and go snap some pictures of this beautiful day. I'm not sure why the day is so beautiful to me. Perhaps it is the sun shining in my window. Maybe the fact that the snow is melting and it is a bit warmer outside. Or maybe my spirits are high and my elevated mood have just made the world look so much more magnificent to me. Whatever the reason, I love it.

My book is open and on my desk. I'm looking at it apprehensively. My portfolio is due on Valentine's Day so I probably should get some of it done. And yet with all of the apprehension with which I look at my book, I put that same endeavor into looking longingly outside at the wonderous day. It has been decided! My camera and the world beyond my desk and books has won! And so now I take my leave, to go enjoy the day. To live, to breath, to frolic.

Farewell my dears. May the happiness that has found me permeate into the air and soon come to you as well!

I'm moving to Nebraska!

2008-02-06T16:21:00.000-08:00

It isn't a good time to be an insurance agent in the south. Why? Well for some blasted reason the south east tends to have a lot of problems. Hurricanes, tornadoes, floods. Reading the news I felt much sorrow for the people in some of the southern states where awful tornadoes were hitting and destroying everything in their paths. This article will let you read about some of the destruction over there. Lets have a moment of silence for the people who died.

[Moment of Silence]
[/Moment of Silence]

Now, I am an avid fan of the south being a southern girl myself. I love our southern accents, our style of cooking, our friendliness, and all of that other good ole southernness. When I came to BYU I was amazed at how unfriendly everyone was towards people they didn't know. After being in Utah for a while I figured out that it wasn't really that people here were unfriendly, but that people in the south are just exceptionally friendly. Seriously though, I had a hard time with the fact that people here will hardly look you in the eye as you pass, they don't wave or say "hi" unless they know you, and they generally don't strike up conversations with people they don't know. Well, I suppose these things do happen sometimes but not nearly as often as in my good ole home town.

I remember the days of my youth where it was not uncommon for several small hurricanes to hit during the fall months. Accompanied with these hurricanes were vast amounts of rain and high winds. Our family lost many trampolines due to those high winds. I'm ever resentful of the fact that after the wind destroyed 3 of our large trampolines, our family finally gave up and didn't buy another one. Thus I was left to finish my childhood without this coveted piece of equipment. I also remember the many days and nights of rain that would result in flooding. My mother was ever fearful that our house would turn into a wading pool, so our family frequently purchased sand bags and had plans of action for this type of catastrophic event. The rising floods never did actually make it inside of our house although on the other (and lower) sides of town there were 3 story apartment buildings that flooded. I do remember a good few times when the electricity went out (don't open the refrigerator!!), of school being canceled (because you can't drive in 3-4 feet of water), and of watching others (and participating myself) in canoes and kayaks going down the street in the water. *Sigh* Those were the days...

Needless to say, I love the south east part of the country. I have every intention of moving back there and living there once I am through with my enlightening college experience. (Unless my husband simply cannot live there due to work or other highly important issues--in which case we better make enough money so that I can fly home often.) However, with the ominous sounding events before the Second Coming, I am wondering if perhaps I should move to Nebraska (or some other equally naturally undisturbed state). And things are only suppose to get worse.

Whew, it really isn't a good time to be an insurance agent in the south...

Airplanes.

2008-02-04T22:14:00.000-08:00

I'm just sitting out here watching airplanes, take off, and fly. Trying to figure out which one you might be on, and why I don't love you anymore.

I've had that song stuck in my head for about 2 and 1/2 days now. Someone please give me another song to sing that is equally anti-love. Thank you in advance.

So for informational purposes, I am single. I broke things off with him because he didn't pass my ice hockey test. And yes, I do love ice hockey with a passion of 10,000 fiery suns. Ok, ok, so that wasn't the total reason. But I'll pretend anyway.

So today I realized something. I love little children more than anything. I went to the grocery store and there were children everywhere. Asian children, Hispanic children, adorable white children. Something about them all just yelled at me that I should be more involved with people of a youthful persuasion. I really think that I should look into being able to participate in something where I may be permitted to be with small children frequently. They have such sweet and innocent souls. They are free to act and to do as they please under the excuses of "the innocence of youth." I could use some of that youthful innocence these days. Perhaps if I spend some time with them then it would rub off on me. They just generally see the world with such bright and adoring eyes. Who really knows? All I know is that I could use some of that candor of youth. I know a few places that I might be permitted to spend time with children at, however, does anyone personally know any places that might be helpful in my endeavor to be around amazing and adoring children?

Also, there is BYU Ice Hockey this weekend. Don't forget it.

And the days continue!

2008-01-28T07:12:00.001-08:00

Life has been moving on in a good way. School is going well and classes are pretty interesting. I'm enjoying sitting and listening to what my professors have to say. In my classes I'd say that more than anything I am learning new ways to think. It is an interesting process. I mean, I am learning facts and figures and information; all of the good things that are important in a major. However, there are the different theories and the histories behind the theories that have caused people to think a certain way that I find really appealing. Learning these things helps me to look at myself and to examine why I think the way that I do. It is a scary process to try to delve into your own head and see what comes of it. I'm learning to look at social factors and pressures and to see how they influence me. In some ways I've thought about those social pressures throughout all of my life, but in other ways I've never realized how deeply they run or how much of an impact they really have. I like being able to examine my own behavior, it helps me to think about what I can do to improve myself--and trust me, I do need it.

In other news, it is supposed to snow today. What was once a happy delight for me has turned into a dread beyond belief. The thought of trudging through the snow filled sidewalks today is just not appealing in the least bit. Where is the warmth of the earth? Why can not that giant gas ball in the sky manage to ward off the flakes of snow that penetrate my coat and my shoes? These days I find myself longing for the warmth of spring, but I know that I am waiting in vain for at least another month and a half (but probably longer).

Yesterday at church we talked about journal writing in one of the meetings. So I decided that since I'm not journal keeper, that perhaps I could be a bit more diligent in keeping up on my blog. Haha, probably not exactly what the teacher had in mind--but it works for me.

Well Done Thou Good And Faithful Servant.

2008-01-28T06:59:00.001-08:00

The beloved Prophet died yesterday. I loved him and will miss him greatly. He is with his wife now and I'm sure he is happy and well. Well done thou good and faithful servant, President Gordon B. Hinckley.

To read more about his life and accomplishments check out what the Washington Post had to say.

The Little Things...

2008-01-14T20:34:00.000-08:00

Sitting here I'm tapping my foot and singing along with some of my favorite songs. It is a pretty good feeling. Lately I've been obsessed with music. I've been downloading it, finding it, rediscovering old favorites. Sadly, almost a year ago I managed to delete my entire music collection from my computer so since then I've been slowly building it back up. I'm pleased to report that I now have over 700 songs on my computer. All genres and styles are welcomed. I'm also accepting suggestions on new stuff (without swearing in it please). Mostly rock and alternative at this point (because that's what I'm in the mood for). So if you have any suggestions then please bring them forth!

On the flip side (not really, but it seemed like a good topic changer) I've been doing some studying and now have a new prediction for who will win the presidential elections. (Even though I don't think that I gave my original prediction.) Now please don't gasp or look at me with dismay, but I really think that Obama might win. Obama really seems to be making a stand for change in America and I really think that the American people (especially the younger generations) want and need change. I've been talking with friends of mine that live in various places of the world and they all tell me that their vote is for Obama. To be honest I never thought that anyone would vote for a man with such a name, but people (especially the youngsters) seem to be flocking to him! Crazy huh? Now I am intrigued by what the people see in this man and am doing research. I will let you know what I personally think of him soon.

I'mmmmmm back!

2008-01-12T11:37:00.000-08:00

So for anyone who has been paying attention to the Board, you might have noticed that my hiatus is over and that I'm back! Last semester got me down but now I'm back and ready to rock! It really is a good feeling. My Christmas vacation was pretty much awesome and it rejuvenated me. I needed it.

So I read something the other day that explained some of my political views in a very simplistic manner. But then I changed the story a bit and embellished it to show even more of what I think.

A teacher at a university approached one of his students. He pulled her aside and said; "So Krishna, I know that you have a 4.0 GPA at this University. However, your friend over there only has a 2.0 GPA and could really use some help. How would you feel if we took one of your GPA points and gave it to your friend so that you could both have a 3.0 GPA?"

To which I quickly replied; "But I worked hard for that 4.0 GPA! I don't want to just give away something I worked hard for!" (I then welcomed myself to the Republican party.)

However, it would be possible for me to participate in study groups or to be willing to tutor a fellow classmate. I'm just saying that with our government I'd like to see the people who are getting my GPA points put a little more effort and work into their studies.

Hiatus

2007-11-18T13:00:00.000-08:00

I hereby announce that I am going on at least a one month hiatus. Have a good month all of you readers and fellow writers. I will talk to ya'll again either in late December or early January.

That is all.
~Krishna

Forecast: Life...

2007-11-15T14:26:00.000-08:00

Dear readers of my blog,
Sorry for the lack of posts for the last week or so.
This week has been absolutely crazy. I've been trying very hard to get caught up and to keep up in my classes. Sadly, I simply have tons to do and not nearly enough time in which to do it. That being said, I think that I've done an excellent job this week. I've taken tests, written papers, done assignments, and I feel like I did an awesome job of it. Now all I have to do is do to classes and get my work done tomorrow and I'll be good to have a fun weekend! What will I be doing this weekend? I knoweth not. However, it will be fun. I like fun. I deserve fun after this hectic week.

Just as a review:
-The Festival of Lights was awesome. I especially enjoyed the ceremony of lights and learning a folk dance that they taught us. The only problem? It was very chilly outside! I'm really really looking forward to Holi next year...

-I went dancing in SLC. It was pretty fun, but the music in the place that we went to wasn't all that great. I could have been a better DJ than that guy...what is the world coming to? That reminds me, I wanna be a DJ. One of these days!

-This week I've been in the mood for new music so I went on a tiny little spree on iTunes. I was on the prowl for some great new alternative rock music. It was so much fun! I found a band that I have heard like once--and I remembered why I love it. The band is Holiday Paradise. I highly recommend them. (If you like that type of music.)

-I'm looking for some fun this weekend. Let me know if anything fun is going on ok? Otherwise I'll probably see if I can catch a live band somewhere or perhaps go bowling.

Festivals vs. Tests

2007-11-09T08:23:00.000-08:00

(To the tune of "Going to the Chapel.")

I'm going to a fes-ti-val,
And I'm, gonna have fun-u-u-n.
Going to a festival,
And I'm, gonna have fun-u-u-n.

But first I have to survive my test today. Can I do it? I don't really know. It is statistics after all. I think I need a tutor. Anyone want to volunteer? Ug. I don't know how math people do it.

But want to know one thing I do know? On Saturday night:
I'm going to a fes-ti-val,
And I'm, gonna have fun-u-u-n.
Going to a festival of fun!

Let me know if any of you peoples want to join me and my posse at the Hindu festival this weekend. :-)

Humbugs All Around

2007-11-05T21:59:00.000-08:00

So I'm not sure if I mentioned this, but they canceled my major. Yes, that's right- they canceled it. Sadly, I was not far enough along in order to merit being able to continue in that major. Bah! Bah humbug! So now I get to choose a new major.

Any suggestions?

The results are in...

2007-10-30T07:45:00.000-07:00

So after a long doctor's visit this is what they came up with:

Strep? Nope
Mono? Nope (Thank goodness)
Flu? Maybe
Bacterial Infection? Totally

The cure?
Antibiotics
Codeine
Bed Rest

That's right my friends, until Wednesday I have officially been put on bed rest. I think the doctor got the feeling that I was the type of person to try to do everything anyway, so she told me that I needed to stay in bed. I thought that was a nice touch to my doctor's visit.

Waiting is hard.

2007-10-29T03:53:00.001-07:00

Do you know how hard it is to wait until 8AM so that you can go check into Urgent Care? Yes, well I've never known time to pass so slowly. I've been awake all night and can barely stand it anymore. Why can't urgent care open at 5 AM? I mean, if it is urgent but not life threatening-then we should be able to get in there early, right?

I started coming down with something Saturday night. It hasn't gotten any better so I'm finally breaking down and going to the doctor this morning. This'll be funnnn. I dislike the doctor, but sometimes he has the meds to make you better so you've gotta do what you've gotta do.

And this post took me all of a minute and a half to write. Blast, I was hoping that by the time I finished it would be time for them to open. *Sigh*

Papers and Bread Making

2007-10-27T08:42:00.000-07:00

My Pl Sc TA is mean. He disapproved of my topic for my foreign policy paper. I thought it was perfectly logical but for some reason he thought that it wasn't feasible. What on earth is that about? I bet the Founding Fathers were sometimes thought of as "un-feasible" because of their big dreams for the future. Grrrr, I should do my paper on that topic anyway just to be spiteful. They need people in our government to think a bit bigger in order to get more things done. Blast them. I'll just have to join their ranks myself in order to get *anything* done properly.

On the flip side, I thought I was going to start dating someone only to find out that that wasn't what Heavenly Father had in store for me. Even though we technically were dating for about a week I feel like it was really just over before it even started. It is for the best-although still somewhat depressing that yet another relationship isn't going where I kinda wanted it to go. And yet what can be done? I'm ok really, I know it was for the best. I'll find him sometime soon I'm sure. :-)

Also, this morning I'm getting ready to bake bread. It's been *forever* since I made bread. I'm happy about that. I'm also going to put on Les Miserables while I bake and annoy my roommates by singing loudly to all of the songs. If I don't do that then I'll play music on my laptop and get some kitchen dancing in with my friend who is coming over to bake bread with me. Now I just have to decide what kind to make: honey wheat, oatmeal honey, country crust bread, or cinnamon rolls. Yes I realize that cinnamon rolls are not technically bread but they are just as yummy!

Laura Bush

2007-10-15T20:53:00.000-07:00

I was reading today about the First Lady. I found a lot of the comments rather amusing. Most specifically it said that she is "Raising her Profile without Changing Her Image." Apparently some aspects of being the First Lady are finally starting to rub off on her. Mrs. Bush is heading off to the Middle East on a diplomatic mission. If you'd like to read more about it then go here and you can read about her for yourself.

That got me thinking today. What would it be like to be the First Lady. The article mentions that she once made the President promise that she would never have to give a speech. I can't even being to imagine how intimidating it would be to make an address that would likely be heard by people all over the world. However, I admire that "she's always been what she is, but she is coloring herself in bolder colors."

I realize that my first obligation is to my family and I love and respect that. However, do you think it would be possible to for me to then peruse a political career after my children are gone? *sigh* It would be an amazing opportunity. I've always thought that I was meant to be in a political position, I believe that I would do well. It would be so amazing to be in a position to really and sincerely get things done. It would be wonderful to have people listen to you as an authority figure. I honestly think that I have some good ideas that would be well-received by the public. Alas, sometimes I feel like I am far too young and unknown to really do anything. I probably shouldn't think that way. I should probably have higher aspirations. I'll work on that. I promise. Right now I'm just going to continue trying to learn a lot so that I can really and truly know what I am talking about.

Or perhaps one day I could be like Laura, can I call her Laura? The First Lady. That would be a pretty sweet position as well. I'd be a good one, lets face it.

The declining title of Nobel Peace Prize Winner

2007-10-14T09:36:00.000-07:00

Dear friends, family, and whoever else enjoys reading my blog,

So I've decided that I enjoy politics. Therefore every once in a while I hope that you won't mind if I rant or go off on a certain political topic that I especially enjoy for feel like ranting about.

Today's Topic: The Nobel Peace Prize. This prize was awarded this year to Al Gore. Come on folks, AL GORE?! Does that bother anyone else? Whose completely unintelligent idea was that? I have always thought of the Nobel Peace Prize as something honorable and something worthy. This is a prize that people and organizations like Elie Wiesel and Doctors Without Boarders have been given because they have worked so hard to make the world better and to help others.

So what did Al Gore do that was deemed worthy of the Nobel Peace Prize?

"...his efforts to build up and disseminate greater knowledge about man-made climate change, and to lay the foundations for the measures that are needed to counteract such change."

Heh. How do you feel about that ladies and gentlemen? Al Gore wins the NOBEL PEACE PRIZE for convincing everyone that the world is going to hell in a hand basket. He so nobly pointed out all the horrible things that are happening to our environment because of the things that us humans are doing to it. Oh, and don't let us forget that he "laid the foundations for the measures that are needed to counteract such change." What does this mean exactly? Um, I believe he made himself a little video to help make people more aware. Come on now people, someone please tell me exactly how that qualifies someone to win such a wonderful and prestigious award. I tell you-I will no longer hold as much esteem for the future winners of that prize.

I wonder when he is going to switch his home over to solar power and start driving a bio-degradable fueled car.

However, there could be an upside to this. Does anyone think/hope/pray that winning the Nobel Peace Prize will perhaps keep this flaming imbecile out of the 2008 Presidential Election? Perhaps this has gained him enough esteem and power that he no longer feels the need to be President (and have to deal with all of those other pesky world problems). Oh please, oh please, oh please. If that could possibly be the case then perhaps that Board who decided to award him the prize actually did America a favor.

Dreaming with a Broken Heart

2007-10-09T23:46:00.001-07:00

Have you ever received news that you somewhat expected and yet were in denial about? Has it ever been bad news? Has it ever hurt you to have it confirmed that you feel a crushing sensation in your chest and you just want to curl up and just wait? Have you ever tried to go to bed and then wake up and go to work the next morning in this state of things?

If you can answer yes to all of these questions then you know how I feel. *Sigh* I received some unhappy news from a friend.

As in the song Dreaming with a Broken Heart, waking up really is the hardest part.

Why me? Don't I have enough to deal with? I've been trying to stay optimistic, I really hate bad news. Good night everyone.

Conference Rocks

2007-10-08T12:14:00.000-07:00

So this weekend my parents came into town and I was able to have a blast with them at LDS General Conference. It was amazing!

My parents came into town this past Thursday and I went up the Friday morning to be with them. We had a great day on Friday of touring Temple Square and seeing some of the sights (including the History Museum) around Salt Lake City. Then later that night we had an amazing dinner at the top of the Joesph Smith Building. There was a woman playing the piano and we requested a few of our favorite songs, there was the most delicious buffet, the atmosphere was amazing, and there was the most beautiful view of the SLC Temple that was all lit up.

Saturday morning I got up and went to the Saturday morning session of conference. I got to see a new apostle get called and a new member of the first presidency get called as well. I'm so excited for President Henry B. Eyring. I loved the talks, specifically the one by President Body K. Packer-it especially touched me. After conference I got to see a press conference where people got to ask questions to President Eyring and Elder Cook (the two people who had gotten called and sustained during the morning meeting). Watching this press conference made me love President Eyring even more. He was so cute and so humble. I have a great respect for this man and look forward to hearing more from him. After that I watched the second session of General Conference while fighting drowsiness and loved every second of it. Elder Wirthlin's talk and the events surrounding it made me cry. I was seriously touched by that speaker. I know that he spoke with the power and authority of God. After that session me and my parents got an opportunity to talk about the things that we had watched, and then we all ended up falling asleep. A bit later me and my mom went to "Ladies Night" while my dad went to the Priesthood session of conference. At Ladies Night I got to see some of my favorite authors, artists, and singers. It was so much fun, especially being there with my mom. I even happened to see Dragon Lady and a few other friends while there. Then me and my mom grabbed some dinner and headed back to the hotel room to watch a movie. Great day!On Sunday morning we again got up and went to conference. It was again amazing and I did love hearing the words of the leaders of the church. Afterwards me and my parents drove to Orem where we spent some time with some extended family on my mom's side. We watched the second session of conference there while we got to play with my little second cousins and eat pizza. Twas very yummy. Afterwards I spent some time with me and my parents, just talking and all that great jazz. They wanted to know how I really was instead of the side that I generally show to everyone. After they were satisfied that they knew what they wanted/needed to know we headed over to visit some old family friends that live in the area. We had a blast catching up with them and seeing them! Then we even got to visit with a missionary who served in our ward years ago. Somehow he seemed to become very close with my family and he loved especially my dad. It was hilarious to catch up with him and his wife. They are awesome people and it's just fun to see how the life of this Elder has turned out. This old Elder ended up taking my parents back up to SLC while I stayed in Provo.

I miss my parents again already. It was just so nice to be able to see them again. I hadn't seen them since July and the months until Christmas were looking very daunting, especially since I've been pretty homesick. Ay ay ay. But it was great to see them, and now I'm ready to get back to work while having a since of renewed-ness. It's a great feeling. I love weekends like this!

New Shoes

2007-10-08T12:00:00.000-07:00

A week or two after purchasing these shoes I have officially dubbed them as good shoes. I like new shoes. They kinda remind me of what I could call skater girl shoes. They are comfortable, cute (to me at least), and keep my feet warm as the weather continues to grow cold. Add the fact that they take under 5 seconds to securely put on my feet and we have a recipe for success.

Sad stories.

2007-10-02T21:02:00.001-07:00

So I am working with people who have a good deal of sad stories. Things like abuse from loved ones. I am learning about the affects of these types of things on people and many times I'm learning through seeing examples. It's pretty harsh. Today, the session had me in tears. They played a 911 recording of a child who was crying and screaming because her mother and sister were being beat horribly by the father. I was stunned and I felt so helpless. I suppose that I realized that these types of things happen, but when faced with this type of hard evidence it was hard to keep it together. I'm just glad that I am working towards being in a position to start to help some of these people. It makes me happy that I'll be able to even though it is rather emotionally draining. *sigh*

In times of need...

2007-09-27T22:41:00.000-07:00

So I have been having a hard and crappy time lately. For some reason I'm having the darnedest time finding anyone to let in to talk to or to just be there for me. The people that I want to let in and the people that I'm willing to let in just aren't there, or they are busy themselves. The people who want in, I don't want to let in. I don't understand myself most of the time, I don't make any sense. Where is the person that will get their foot in the door?